TOOOON-CEEEEES!

The craftiest GM in the League strikes again!

Merry Christmas Baby

Hey! Look! SLOW FRESH OIL updated! Begin Christmas riots... nnnnNOW!

So yeah, not much to say about the Oilers that hasn't already been discussed in the ever-growing Oilogosphere. Other than this:

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & A JOYOUS NEW YEAR!!!

Wishing for Wins, the Calder & a good return on the Hemsky trade. From Stan Weir & your friends at SLOW FRESH OIL!

Umlauts

Everyone knows that the pre-season means nothing, and that goes double for hockey blogs. But I was at the Joey Moss Cup on Tuesday and broke down and bought a #91 jersey from the Oilers Store, so I feel that I deserve at least some of the credit for Magnus' 4 point night tonight.

And speaking of the JMC, Pääjärvi had an alright game for Team White that night, but it was clearly overshadowed by the Triple-H line's 6 points, and by Joey's heartfelt rendition of O Canada. This time, with the upper bowl at RX1 no longer curtained off, MPS looked like he had something to prove, and decided to steal the show.

I imagine all the writers up in the press box had their "Taylor's First Pre-Season Game" stories prepped and ready to send off to their editors before the oil derrick had been raised back into the rafters, but no such luck. They'll just have to save those stories for October 7 and use Find/Replace to swap out "Tampa Bay" with "Calgary" and "pre" with "very long regular".

To be fair, Hall looked pretty good too, with his post, his nice break to the net, and his gift of a goal. I think Magnus just wanted to remind everybody that certain rookies on this team can buy beer in every single province. When the dust settled, both players were able to nicely take advantage of Lightning goalie Dan Ellis, who was obviously distracted after having missed the Fantastipotamus singing earlier in the day.

It's still very early days, but it sure is nice to have something, anything, to cheer for again when the Oilers are playing. I had almost forgotten the feeling. Göilers!

The Revenge

I've already tried comparing the Souray situation to early 19th century Canadian history, but lately the whole thing has been reminding me more of George Costanza in the episode "The Revenge," from Seinfeld's second season. Okay, Sheldon didn't march into Tambellini's office for his dramatic exit, but he might as well have. "You are a laughing-stock. You are a joke! These people are laughing at you. You're nothing. You have no brains, no ability, nothing!" I think Spector cleaned things up a bit in the final draft of his article last spring, but the gist was basically the same.

And then today Souray decided to take another page from George's playbook by showing up for work and acting like nothing ever happened. With George, things didn't exactly work out as planned.

George: "What, that? Are you kidding? I didn't quit. You took that seriously?"

Sheldon: "Things that I said, that's five months ago. We are in a completely different spot now and there is a lot of optimism."

(As an aside, I like to imagine that the conversations in the dressing room today between Souray and his teammates went similar to George's banter with his coworkers in that second clip. "Awe, she's going to be a fine sailor.")

Then this evening, keeping in step with the Seinfeld episode, Steve Tambellini decided to clear up any remaining confusion about the situation, saying that the Oilers informed Souray last week that he would not be welcome at training camp. The comparison to "The Revenge" falls apart a bit when you remember the part about George's boss saying that he's a winner and will always be a winner, but only if you don't think that Oilers management believe that about themselves.

So, from this point on, the next steps for all involved seem clear: Sheldon Souray is going to have to find some way to slip Steve Tambellini a mickey.

Frontier Justice

This is Peter Fidler. At 32 feet high, he is one of the two most famous tall men from Elk Point, Alberta. In my ongoing attempt to catch up on news I missed last week, let's dig deeper into the stories of both Mr. Fidler and Mr. Souray.

The real Peter Fidler worked as a fur trader and explorer for the Hudson's Bay Company in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. Just like Sheldon, by the time Peter was in his late 20s, he was already considered an all-star in his chosen profession. From the presumably reliable peterfidler.com:

"Enthused over the new maps Peter had provided, HBC officials in London ordered that he continue his map-making and be sent on new expeditions.  From the summer of 1795 he spent the next seven years engaged in trading while surveying the northwest...It was also during this period that FIDLER, with the help of Akoi Makai, a Siksika Indian of note, created his famous map of southern Alberta, the Rocky Mountains, and the Missouri River drainage system."

In 1802, Fidler agreed to try to help make a go of things in the fiercely competitive northwest, 205 years before Sheldon Souray would agree to taking on a similar task for the Edmonton Oilers:

"On Sep 18, 1802 the FIDLER party arrived at Lake Athabasca. Then, with his eight remaining men Peter built Nottingham House at Fort Chipewyan, less than a mile from the NWC Post. Now all three of the companies had houses at Fort Chip."

Although both men tried their best, over the next couple of years things only got worse:

"In November of 1804 the XY Company joined forces with NWC...Now indeed things were looking bleak for the HBC. All of the parties involved had suffered poor returns as a result of the competition. Before he departed for Cumberland that spring, FIDLER was warned in no uncertain terms that he should not return."

At this point in the story, the strategy for both Souray and Fidler was one of diplomacy. Fidler came back the following year to try to make a truce with the rival trading companies. Number 44, on the other hand, quietly requested a trade last summer, apparently. I'm sure he thought that there would be plenty of GMs who would love to have him at his current price, and that if Steve Tambellini was properly motivated, he could have Souray soaking up the California sun in no time at all. But time ticked by and it didn't happen.

I'm sure Souray's frustration was quietly building all year. In addition to being unhappy with his location, things were going worse than ever for the hockey team. And then an altercation with a star from another team put him out of commission all together. I think Fidler could probably sympathise:

"BLACK was hired by the NWC in 1803 and was sent to the Peace River country to intimidate and harass rival traders. In 1805 BLACK was sent to Fort Chip, and Peter FIDLER and his men became his primary target. On the day he arrived, BLACK and his men began by pulling up his garden and attempting to set fire to his house. Vastly outnumbered, FIDLER had little choice but to endure, and to 'turn the other cheek'. In fact his instructions from headquarters were to do just that. Peter made an attempt to negotiate a truce with MacKENZIE but it soon became obvious there would be no truce. There was little else FIDLER and SWAIN could do but capitulate. Nottingham House was abandoned in the spring of 1806."

Things don't get much better for either man from here on out. Souray brooded in the hospital for a couple months and then decided he was going to try to hurt the team by slamming management. It might all have been true, but it was immature and poorly thought out, and shockingly, it didn't help him get traded.

Now that he's cleared waivers, you would have to think that Souray has hit a new professional low. I hope he's been spending the last few days taking a long hard look at himself in the mirror (as usual, I'm sure). And if I were him, I think I might be considering looking for a new agent, too.

Meanwhile, back in the 19th century, Fidler wasn't doing so hot himself. He crossed paths with Samuel Black again in 1810, and I don't think "new professional low" was too far off the mark for him either:

"BLACK and OGDEN conducted a systematic campaign of intimidation, the former swaggering about with gun and pistols...They shot at the (HBC) company's weather-vane, fired at FIDLER's flag, cut down his stockades, carried away his firewood, stole his fishing lines and cut his nets, so as to try to freeze and starve him out.  Finally they forbade FIDLER's men to leave their house...On June 4, 1811, soon after FIDLER and his party embarked for Churchill, the Norwesters climbed over the stockade and set his buildings afire...In the fall of 1811 Peter sailed for England for a year's furlough."

It is very possible that Sheldon's complaints about the team were valid, and at the time, the Oilers popularity seemed to be at an all-time low. What could possibly go wrong? I'm not sure how a man over-values his professional worth so badly, but now he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. He has no trade value, and I think the damage he did with his bosses may be too deep to repair in time for the season to start.

Peter Fidler eventually settled down as the postmaster in Brandon,  MB and had himself 14 children. I don't know what comes next for Sheldon Souray, but I hear they've got some nice girls in Oklahoma.

Captain's Log

I've been away at the cabin for the past week, where my internet access is limited to spotty cell reception on my smartphone, so my Oilers news has mostly come in the form of occasional Twitter access and reading blogs well after the fact without the pictures loading properly (thank god I'm back in civilization so I can finally see what Cornelius Madigan looks like). There are a few thoughts rattling around my head about the goings on of the past week, so I will probably throw up a few posts over the next little while covering off some of the old news I missed. First up: Ethan Moreau.

 I don't have much to say about Ethan getting waived and then picked up by his old friend Scotty. It was definitely time for both sides to move on. Moreau was great in the community, and served the Oilers well for most of his reign as the team's 15th captain. But in the past couple years injuries hurt his game on the ice, and the organizational culture decayed around him. I'm not sure that that was his fault, but he definitely carries some of the responsibility. Hopefully Rifles can bounce back in Ohio.

What I'm more interested in, though, is who gets to call themselves the Oilers 16th captain. It's a big decision, and one that will leave a significant impact on the rebuild. Who, if anyone, on the current roster is worthy of joining the storied ranks of Hamilton, Sather, Gretzky, Messier, and *cough* Corson *cough*?

 If I were Tom Renney, I think that I would break camp without giving anyone the "C." The plan is to change the team's culture, and part of that will need to be a new leadership dynamic in the dressing room. It will take some time for that dynamic to shake out, and there's no point in rushing the process. Make Whitney a third Alternate and go from there. Maybe he steps up and proves he's ready to lead. Maybe in a year you consider giving the team to Hemsky as a way of getting him to sign an extension and motivating him to take that next step in his game. Or give it to Horcoff to make him feel better about the offense-killing shutdown role he is going to have to continue carrying. Or if one of the kids really steps up this year, maybe you go with  them as captain next summer. I'm just brainstorming here, but the point is there is no need to rush into anything.

Is it just me? It's just me, isn't it?

D-Day 2010

It's hard for me to blog these days.

I could say that it's because work is the busiest it will be all year. I could say that it's because I've begun a new workout plan. Hell, I could say it's because Red Dead Redemption is out. But it's not any of that.

While the above is all true, I'm simply too busy reading all the fantastic draft coverage out there in the O-sphere and beyond. I spend all day at work on the computer, shifting stealthily from work to the endless stream of prospect reports, mock drafts, trade rumors, and on, and on...

A quick trip through our Required Reading over on the left could take hours just because it's all so damn interesting. From our little corner of the Oilogosphere, I would like to extend a genuinely earnest "Thank you" to all the bloggers that make this time of year a hockey nerd's wet dream.

So for D-Day, almost one full year after we started this thing, I'm just going to make a post out of some odds and ends that have been running through my head for the last week.
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MY HORSES

While debate over The Pick rages, I try to spice up the later rounds of the draft by picking a few horses and rooting for them to finish strong. While they may not all be in the Oilers' wheelhouse, I'll cheer if I see them go to good Orgs and I'll groan if they drop too far... Unless the Oil get them.

Here's my horses for this year:

Devante Smith-Pelly
5'11" ~200 lbs. (most sites list him at 180, but he's gotten stockier this year)
CSS: 76 / ISS: 69 / THN: 65 / BobbyMack: 52
Profile@HF
From a Yahoo interview: "[My best asset is] combining the physical part of the game as well as the offensive aspect. I get most of my offence by being a bang-and-crash guy, finishing my checks, working the cycle. Running a guy over, then contributing with the offence, I’d say that is my biggest asset."



Devante here is my thoroughbred. The longshot champ. Secretariat. I've tracked this guy since he was a late addition to Team Cherry. A bulldog on the ice with a nose for the puck. Not afraid to make hard plays and, in fact, seems to relish the opportunity to make one. Low center of gravity and thicker than he's given credit for. With his spot in the draft, I'm really hoping the Org gives him a hard look at 61, but I'll enjoy tracking his progress to the Bigs regardless of where he lands.

Jordan Weal
5'9" 165 lbs.
CSS: 30 / ISS: 32 / THN: 41 / BobbyMack: 48
Profile@HF
From Remmerde: Great instincts for the game. Excellent creativity. High compete level... Very good inside the offensive zone. Very creative and makes things happen with the puck. Really distributes the puck smartly... Really competes and isn't afraid of battling physically or taking a hit to make a play.



Jordan Weal is a smurf. We hardly need another one, but there's something about this guy's motor. A pest in the offensive zone with a penchant for turnovers. Eberle's linemate could be a great addition (see: Lander, Anton) and could be had late in the second. I like him at 48, but here's hoping he'll slip much farther down due to his size concerns and the Org takes a chance on a potential steal. Again, should be fun to see what he can do for whichever club that picks him.

Patrik Nemeth
6'3" 212 lbs.
CSS: 11 (Euro) / ISS: 37 / THN: 61 / BobbyMack: 42
Profile@HF
From Copper & Blue: He's a physical force on the ice who moves well and will likely be a shut-down-type defender and penalty killing expert, yet he's going to last well into the second round because he has zero offensive ability. The closest comps that come to mind are Matt Greene and Jason Smith, prior to his knees totally failing him.



Opinions on this Swede are scattershot, but there is consensus on his high-grade defensive skills. Another potential slider, Nemeth could be a steal if his mean streak and physical presence translate to the pro leagues. I think he'd fit into the Oilers' prospect pool just fine and might be on the radar due to StuMac's taste for Swedish meatbal--err--talent. IMHO, he'll be knockin' heads around in the NHL sooner than expected.
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THE PICK

"I have to go to those places."

Those seven little words, spoken earnestly by Hall in Oil Change, have converted me to preferring the winger. While as hardline Seguin as a guy can be through this whole process, it's hard to ignore the fire that Taylor has in every word, every play. I masking taped "HALL" on the back of my jersey today and I'll be wearing it to the Draft Party. Of course, I'd be thrilled with Seguin, but the 8-year-old inside me wants the Spitfire.
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WHAT IF...

...Deslauriers gets traded in the first round? I heard he'll be at the RX1 Draft Party. Am I allowed to yell, "Pack your shit!" at him? Is it rude to start a chorus of "(Na Na Hey Hey) Kiss Him Goodbye"? Can I throw things?

That last one's probably over the line, but anything I threw would probably sail over his shoulder anyway.
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So here we are: T-minus 5 hours until the big moment. The Pick will be the climax of a depressing season and happy days will be here again. Looking forward to the offseason going full bore once D-Day settles all the prospect talk and, assuredly, gives way to some big trades. We'll get a GM and Head Coach in OKC, an Assistant GM with the big club, and the rounding out of the Oilers coaching staff (something has to happen after the Quinn move). While shallow, the UFA market will be intriguing and we'll have a long summer to relish the anticipation for that first day of Training Camp.

We here at SLOW FRESH OIL have had a blast blogging the Oilers' travails this year. We look forward to doing so in the future and maybe even gaining another reader!

...Well, a guy can dream, can't he?

GOILERS!

My Two Halls

This is Taylor Hall, skating in an Oilers alumni game in 2009. No, not that Taylor Hall. And no, not those Oilers. It seems like the closer we get to the draft, the more divided Oil Country becomes over Hall/Seguin. With every beauty goal Taylor scores for the Spitfires at the Memorial Cup, he seems to gain more supporters in the public opinion. And with every big hit he takes, he seems to drive more fans into Seguin’s camp. It’s like Edward/Jacob all over again.

But let’s get back to this other Taylor Hall for a minute. They used to call him “City”. I’ve been reading up on him a bit, and I think he’s got more relevance to this discussion than just the names on the front and back of his jersey. Just like Windsor’s #4, I’m sure that this Taylor Hall, a Regina native, wouldn’t have minded being drafted by the Edmonton Oilers one bit back in 1982. But in the 6^th round, 116^th overall, Hall was picked up by the Vancouver Canucks. He and Michel Petit would be the only 2 Vancouver draft picks from that year to ever play in the NHL. Petit played over 820 games for 10 different teams in the big show. Hall played 41.

The years after the draft, Hall turned heads playing for his hometown Pats. In his 19-year-old season he finished 4^th in WHL scoring with 142 points (2.06 ppg), and scored his first NHL goal during a 4 game call up. Now that was a different time in a different league, but to compare, present-day Taylor Hall tied Seguin with 106 points (1.86 ppg) in the OHL this year. The next year, 84-85, Hall made the Canucks out of camp, and Vancouver looked like it had found its self one hell of a nice young winger. Playing on a line with Peter McNab and Cam Neely, he went 1-4-5 in 7 games. Things were going great, and then that thing happened that every hockey fan who follows their favorite prospects fears. No, not that fear.

Playing in a game against the Islanders, Taylor Hall was knocked hard into a goalpost and blew out his left knee. I don’t know if the injury had a lasting physical impact, or if it was just bad timing on the development curve, but the guy never really recovered. He bounced back and forth between the AHL and the NHL for a few years afterwards, and eventually settled into a spot on the Tulsa Oilers in the brand-new CHL for the 92-93 season. He finished his playing career there, and from what I can tell, he’s has had a reasonably successful career in management and coaching at the minor pro level since then.

So does Taylor “City” Hall’s story tell us anything about the 2010 draft? Prospects get hurt all the time, and sometimes the consequences are big. It’s not something the team can control, and I'm not sure that I buy that it's something you can predict based on "playing style". If the Magnificent Bastard projects Tyler Seguin to be the better player, we should pick him. If not, we should pick Hall. Enough with all this hand-wringing about potential for injury.  Injuries happen, no matter which Taylor Hall you are.

Sunk Costs

There's word around the Internet this week that the Oilers are open for business leading up to the draft. Lowetide quoted this piece from the Boston Globe that threw out names like Penner, Gagner, Hemsky, and Cogliano. And an article from Rishaug on TSN.ca on Monday had this tidbit: "Anyone in the organization (with the exception of Eberle) could be in play and available to the highest bidder." With all this trade talk, I'm a bit worried about some of the comments I'm seeing.

Certain Oilers fans are making the argument that the Oilers shouldn't trade this or that young player because only loser organizations suffer through the development years of their players only to trade them when they're hitting their prime. I've seen terms like "NHL's Farm Team" thrown around. The argument that we shouldn't trade players just as they're reaching the productive years of their careers seems to make sense at first, but actually doesn't really hold up.

Sure, loser organizations are usually the same organizations that trade away their talent just as they are getting good. But that's not what makes them losers. What makes them losers is that they don't get full value for those young players when they do trade them. It's one of those causation vs. correlation things.

There's a concept in Economics called Sunk Costs. Basically what it says is that when you're trying to make a decision about the future, it does you no good to worry about what you've already done. If you manufacture a product that costs 10 dollars to make and you break even on every sale, it doesn't really matter that you spent 100 million dollars building the factory. You're still better off cutting bait and putting the rest of your money in the bank. At least there it will earn a little bit of interest. The 100 million is gone, no matter what you do.

In the same way, it doesn't really matter if the team suffered through the "Clouseau-esque" development of some of our young players. Just like the 100 million dollars, we can't get that ice time back. And we shouldn't let that baggage affect our decision-making. (You can make the same manufacturing analogy about vets like Moreau, too. Just swap out "breaks even on every sale" with "takes a significant loss on every sale.")

We can all agree that the team is bad today, but the way to get better is by evaluating the future value of each move, and then pull the trigger on the ones that make sense moving forward, without worrying about what has already happened.

So, I agree that for a player like Sam Gagner, the risk/reward of cashing in his future value for the expected future value of a Hall/Seguin probably doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have anything to do with the growing pains we've already suffered with the player. Gagner has a future value. Hemsky has a future value. Cogliano has a future value. If the Oilers can trade them away and get better future value back, then they should do it. Period. It's the only way we will ever get better.

Any Similarities To Mc79hockey Are Purely Coincidental

Right now, as you all know, the Oilers are in a dog race for last place. With another pesky two-game winning streaks under their belt, the Oilers find themselves starting the week only 4 points back of Toronto. So, you might be asking yourself: Is the eponymous 'Fall for Hall' in jeopardy?

The choice between Hall/Seguin is looking more and more like a crapshoot all the time, so the goal here for the Oilers, I think, is to draft first or second overall. At this point, there are two things in our way: The Leafs and the lottery. What, then, are the odds of the Oilers missing out on a top-two draft pick? Let's take a look at the numbers to see if we can't find out. Be forewarned: it might get a little math-y after the break.

Project: Rebuild, the Prelude

Edmonton Oilers: last place team in the NHL. A team barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic team. The Oilers will be that team. Better than it was before...

Better, stronger, faster.
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So our GM-cum-Oscar-Goldman has tipped his hand on deadline day and I can't yet tell if I'm at peace with it or in an intense state of denial. LT seems to think 2010-11 will bring another Fifty-Seven Million Dollar Team that does less slow-motion roof jumps and a lot more sucking. Truth is, Steve Austin was at the top of his profession before his rebuild; we, on the other hand, are at the bottom. And it's a looong way up.

With deadline day marking the actual start point of the rebuild, I'm going to start tracking the steps of Tambellini's quest for renaissance.

OUT
Grebeshkov
Visnovsky
Staios

IN
Jones
Whitney
Johnson

These are cap moves, plain and simple. Losing The Vision is a bitter pill, but Souray's season-ending infection ultimately sealed the Slovak's fate. We also get bigger across the board, which has been Tambo's mandate from jumpstreet and will likely be the rock he builds his church on. My biggest gripe has got to be the return on the Anaheim deal, case in point:

Petteri Nokelainen is a grinder on the wing(!) with size(!!) and a stellar two way game(!!!). He's young(!!!!) and comes with a bonus year for under a milli(!!!!!). Your man was obtained by the deadline wizards in AZ for a fourth. Did we even ask about him? Could Moreau, having scored 2G-1A (all SH) in 2 games versus the Ducks right before the Olympics break, gotten the deal done on a Whitney-Noke package? Ryan Whitney is what he is (lower skill∴lower salary), but it is a travesty that we missed out on an opportunity like the aforementioned Finn who would have been a need-filler, a cap relief, and a potential piece of the future.

Alas, here we are. The Captain remains on the sinking ship, which seems like just punishment. Thank goodness Steady Steve got hauled aboard another vessel, albeit that of a hated rival. For so long Staios was a trusty defender with true grit to spare and he's been given a chance to make a go of it in Cowtown. It'll be hard, damn hard, to deal with that flaming C on his chest over the next season and a quarter, but he's still overpaid and a step-and-a-half behind. I, for one, will cheer just as hard when one of our young bucks lines the fucker up for a hit, assuming he doesn't do it first.

With the deadline past, it'll be a season of casting calls and tryouts. A litter of unfamiliar jerseys skating uphill and looking every bit the non-NHLers they are, but at least it's something. We no longer have to cheer for the Oil to lose, we're going to be bad no matter what (though some of us may have been ahead of the curve in accepting this). The Blue & Orange will get throttled nightly, but Gagner will likely turn it on harder than he ever has (latter-half player, RFA year) and there's sure to be some pleasant surprises as players jostle for pecking order heading into the offseason.

Maybe after we soldier through this long-term rebuild, the Oil will be the ones hip-tossing Sasquatch... Proverbially-speaking, of course.

So many choices, so little time...

Item: Oilers goalie Nikolai Khabibulin arrested on suspicion of drunk driving.

Blog Post Option #1: In Soviet Russia, Ferrari drives you drunk.

Blog Post Option #2: "No no, officer, my back, it spasmed and my foot hit gas pedal involuntarily. Here is note from team doctor."

Blog Post Option #3: Any chance the Oilers have a morality clause in their player contracts?

Blog Post Option #4: Ed Belfour 2, Nikolai Khabibulin 1. And I'm not talking cup rings.

Blog Post Option #5: DUIs aside, what in god's name is Khabibulin doing in Arizona? He knows the Jets traded him, right?

Blog Post Option #6: No word yet on if he called the arresting officer "Sugar Tits", and if so, how much he looked like Robbie Shremp.

Brave New World

I'm finding that it has become gauche to discuss the current Edmonton Oilers team in polite company. I was at the game last Friday against Dallas, and after the Stars scored the game-winner with 20 seconds left, the reaction in the building wasn't one of anger, or even frustration. It was more like a collective "Hmm, I guess that's how they're going to screw this one up." Very matter-of-fact. A few minutes later, a chant of "Tay-lor-Hall. Tay-lor-Hall" could be heard drifting up from the LRT station.

This town has pretty much lost interest in the present, and is already looking towards the future. And, just like the rest of Oil country, I find myself looking forward to the summer. But I'm not even talking about this summer. Truth is, I'm already expecting next season to be a wash, as the Oilers start their rebuild. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure next year will be a lot more fun for the fans, as we watch Eberle and Hall. I'm pretty sure it will be more fun for Sam Gagner too, as he quietly snickers to himself every time he passes one of the rookies getting yelled at in Pat Quinn's office for their inevitable mistakes. But on-ice success? It seems unlikely to me.

So what then will the summer of 2011 hold for the Oilers? Let me take an early crack at guessing. After a record fifth playoff miss, blamed largely on injuries to Khabiboulin and Jagr, the Oilers will kick off the summer on draft day by (shockingly!) keeping it in the family by drafting David Musil in the top 10. Pierre McGuire will not be impressed. July 1st, while droves of teens greedily clutch their well-worn iPads and stand in line for opening day of Transformers 3, the Oilers management team will look to their old friend free agency to fill out the roster. Unfortunately, after Joe Thorton re-upped with the Sharks, the pickings will be a bit slim. The Oilers will pitch Simon Gagne hard, but end up missing out. Instead, they will sign Michael Ryder to a reasonable contract, and spend a bit too much money/term on an injury-prone Tim Connolly. Tyler Dellow will not be impressed.

Georges Laraques, after having retired as a UFA partway through the previous season, is announced as the Oilers new strength and conditioning coach, finally severing all ties between the Oilers and the Moreau family. As training camp rolls around, the media will be openly questioning what will happen to Pat Quinn if the Oilers don't get off to a good start. The Edmonton Sun will run an article, opposite a Terry Jones hit piece on Rexal-brand shaving gel, asking whether a Renney-coached team would mean an end to Horcoff's captaincy, and whether Jordan Eberle is ready to take on that role. Team Blue will win the Joey Moss.

Around the Oilogosphere, Pat McLean will very publicly break things off with Zoe Saldana and triumphantly return to blogging, Lowetide will finally be revealed as actually being a hockey-blogging computer built at MIT in the 70s, and Jason Gregor will draw the ire of just about everyone whith his article that seems to confuse OilersNation.com with an actual nation (based on conversations he's had with player agents and Stu MacGregor). SlowFreshOil will finally be sued by the band of the same name, but the suit will quickly be dropped after it is revealed that the authors have no money and in fact haven't updated the site in over 8 months.

So there you go. I figure that after all that craziness, and patience from the fans, the Oilers will start the 2011-2012 season as a hands-down consensus pick for 6th - 10th in the West. I can't wait.

Oilers Liveblog. Game 46. Vs. PIT.

I've heard the whispering among you, fair readers. I hear the murmurs. "What's with jesse r? It's been like a month and a half since his last post. And even longer if you're counting posts that have anything at all to do with the Oilers. What is that guy, some kind of bandwagon Oilers blogger?" Now I will admit that I've been somewhat neglecting this blog. But in my defence, I've been busy at work lately. Plus I got Dragon Age: Origins. Plus the Oilers are terrible and I hate them.

I don't hate them. I regret saying that immediately. Anyways, dear reader, I've heard your calls, and to prove that I haven't lost my Oilogosphere chops, tonight I will participate in a hockey blogging ritual older than Lowetide himself. The 'Liveblog'.

******

7:20 - 3-0 Leafs? I better not miss any of the first period because this game goes late. Wait. "Lemon of Troy" rerun on Fox. Never mind. All is well. "Rocky V. That was the fifth one!"

7:35 - Leafs game still on. I wonder how much they're going to play Neil Peart's HNIC theme tonight. Maybe I'l just watch the beginning of the new 30 Rock on the eastern timezone NBC for now. Nice Tron joke, Tina Fey.

7:55 - Missed the opening faceoff. Horcoff out? Does that mean that the Penguins have the 4 best centres in the game tonight? Nice save by Dubnyk midway through first. The game is kind of boring so far, though. Pens outshooting Oilers 3-1. Crosby!

8:10 - Switched to Leno to see what he had to say about the Tonight Show debacle. Didn't make that many jokes about it. Still plenty of edge, though. Take that Denny's and Maury Povich. And you can laugh all you want Kevin Eubanks, but wasn't destroying 'Local 4 News' enough for you? Now you've got to go after Conan, Jimmy and Carson too with your evil plans? Oh good: still scoreless in the game. Doesn't look like I missed much.

8:20 - First Period Over. Oilers turned the tide on the shot clock, apparently. I should pay closer attention in the second, I guess. Oh well, in the meantime, I'm just going to switch to TLC and get my 'BBQ Pitmasters' on. I don't know who you are, Harry Soo, but I would not want to mess with your pit.

8:30 - Scratch that. Found 'The Nature of Things' on CBC. It's about crows. Are you seeing this? The 'apes of the bird world'? The 'Apes' of the 'Bird world'? That is the single most terrifying phrase I've heard so far this year.

8:45 - Alright! The Oilers open the scoring! I missed the start of the second period and the goal, but I see from the internet that it was Cogs. Fleury better hope he doesn't get put in against Team Italy at the Olympics. The internet also says that Nilsson already has 10:15 TOI with 16:06 left in the 2nd? That doesn't seem like it's right. Also, do you think the younger 'A&W employee' from the A&W commercial is secretly the illegitimate son of the older 'A&W employee'?

8:55 - Visnovsky scores on the PP. And I was watching this time. Well, I was in the other room folding laundry, but still. I heard the goal. And I saw the replay. That counts.

9:10 - Jack Black on Community. He's doing a good job of playing one of his two characters: outrageously-wacky-yet-nimble-guy. His other character: guy-from-Mars-Attacks! I flipped back to game during commercial. Fleury losing his mind on Row-bear for some reason. I should flip back more often.

9:40 - Third period is underway. Now it's Conan's turn. "If NBC doesn't want people to see me, just leave me on NBC." Zing. Oh, also tie game.

9:50 - Oilers now down 3-2 on a goal by Dupuis. It's a real shame. But on the bright side...Will Arnett on Parks & Rec! I mean come on. What is this? Sweeps? Ron Swanson is maybe the best character on TV. I do wish Arnett had more scenes with Aziz Ansari, though. They have such good chemistry.



10:10 - Man, what a bloodbath. How did this even happen? CSI, you still know how to tickle my mystery bone, even with Lawrence Fishburn calling the shots. Oh, and the third period is over. Oilers lose.

10:15 - So that's it. I hope I proved to you all that I'm not some johnny-come-lately Oilers blogger who loses interest at the first sign of trouble. That I stick with this team, thick or thin. I mean come on, I missed all my favorite shows tonight, and all I got in exchange was another brutal loss. Gotta go, though. I'm missing John Stewart right now.

Popping Collars and Mustachioed Men: A Blog Post

In the fourteen days since my last post, the Oil got worked up and down the ice in three straight divisional tilts, eked out a shootout they had no business going to, and then got trounced by three teams out of the East. In seven games we've been shutout three times and outscored by a margin of 14 goals. Compared to this time last year, we're in a very similar place:

November 6, 2008: 6-6-1, 34 GF/36 GA
November 6, 2009: 7-8-1, 47 GF/50 GA

While our offense has increased, our defense has become even less competent. The rest of the NHL has been treating us like a medieval surgery patient and the routine bloodletting hasn't yet shown signs of stopping. We simply cannot blame Nikolai, because any casual observer can see our ragtag band of lost boys is just not made up of "actual" NHL players.

If they were, they'd be inoculated well in advance of the unwashed masses.

But isn't that's what being a blue collar team all about? Suffering like the peasantry, ravaged by swine flu, while the bourgeois stroll into private clinics and have their families saved. Oh, the sweet succulence of moral highground. We may not be a high-priced team loaded with talent, but we're blue collar. We're crash and bang and bust your ass up the ice and hustle even harder back down. We don't take shit, but we dole it out by the ladleful. We look to our blue collar players with their blue collar six- to seven-figure salaries and say, "Why, you fellas are just like us." Gritty, respectable folk with mortgages and kids and drinking problems and septic tanks to replace. Folks that wait in line for their vaccines.

Look, if you haven't caught on, I'll pry my tongue out of my cheek and just say it: let's have a moratorium on the term blue collar, shall we? At least in reference to professional atheletes who are anything but.

Unfortunately, the Oilers are missing players to which the descriptor usually applies and they are paying the price. Quinn's "banger on every line, with extra jam and crust" strategy has fallen apart due to injuries that have stretched on so long, we're beginning to wonder if the concept was even working in the first place.

Meanwhile, we've got a five-game road trip against some tough customers coming up. Word from Quinn on the team site is that Shelly, Horc, and Smid will board the plane, though only Laddy will likely see any action. This leaves us as sparse as we've been in October, but maybe with a couple guys back we can steal a few on the road. Ideally, the other two will get their feet under them for the subsequent home stand and we can finally ice a (nearly) completely healthy roster.

That is, of course, if Brule doesn't pull something trying to take part in Movember:

That barely haired upper lip is a Perv 'Stache waiting to happen (or as we call it: the Crosby).

While there is sure to be plenty of impressive soup strainers on the squad by the end of the month, my early favourites are the future of our blueline:


Chorney's Push Broom is an instant classic and only further warms him to my already fluttering heart. Still, Peckham's has a certain je ne sais quoi that makes me wish we hadn't sent him down...


Ah oui, but of course.

Obligatory Lowetide Impression

He looked more like our fathers, not a goalie, player, athlete period. Smoke, half ash, stuck in that permanent smirk, tugging jersey around the beergut, "I'm strictly a whiskey man" was one of the sticks he taped up and gave to a nation of pudgy boys in beverage rooms. Favourites from Plimpton's list of objects thrown by Rangers fans: soup cans, a persimmon, eggs, a folding chair and a dead rabbit. The nervous breakdown of '68-'69 after pant-crap flights from LA, the expansion, "the shrink told me to change occupations. I had to forget it." He swore he was never afraid of the puck. We believe him. If anyone asks, the inscription should read, "My face was my mask."
- Elegy for Gump Worsley by The Weakerthans

This is Lorne "Gump" Worsley, taking those Weakerthan lyrics a bit too seriously, in a photo that was clearly taken some time in the later half of the 1960s. Gump, so named apparently because of his resemblance to Andy from The Gumps, played in goal for the Edmonton Flyers for part of a season in 1952-53, more than a decade after my own grandfather spent a couple of seasons doing the same thing. That year he was called up to the big club in New York, where he would spend most of the next decade plying his trade. That year he was also apparently part of the Hakoah de Montréal soccer team that made it to the Canadian Championship. Based on what I've seen and read about him, it sounds like the Weakerthans are right: there's no way Gump was ever afraid of the puck. With all the talk lately about 50 years of goalie masks in the NHL, I wish we would hear more about the men who said no. The men who felt that there were some things more important than avoiding pain and personal injury. The men like Gump Worsley.

Gump played his last game in the NHL more than 10 years before I was born, and played his last home game on Broadway before The Beatles had had their first number 1 hit. Since then, the Rangers have had some nice goalies, including the man who took over for Gump in New York, who everyone seems to be talking about these days. Continuing the tradition in net for the Rangers today is Henrik Lundqvist, who's off to another nice start this year (.918). Goals have been tough to come by for the Oilers lately, and going up agains Lundqvist isn't going to help. I was hoping that the Oilers had weathered the worst of their injury/flu-bug troubles, but with word Wednesday that Horcoff is out, and Hemsky may not be far behind, it looks like things are going from bad to worse. The Oilers have a couple of surprise players so far this season in Minard and Linglet putting up runs in AAA (7th and 3rd in AHL scoring respectively), but I'm not holding my breath that there are any answers in Springfield.

I don't want to sound too pessimistic, but if you've got tickets to the game, you might want to consider picking up a persimmon or two on the way to the rink.

Hey Laddy, Can You Pass Me That Water Bottle When You're Done...Errr, Nevermind

"Outside of a fever for a day-and-a-half, I felt better on the game day (Oct. 22 against Columbus) so I tried to skate in the morning and I felt good enough to play so I played."

- Ladislav Smid

Let this be a lesson to the rest of you lazy bones: H1N1 is no excuse for missing work.  So drag yourself out of bed, try to keep some liquids down if you can, and get down to whatever it is you do for a living (ending your team's scoreless streak at 7 periods, for example). And if you get a chance, swing by the big lineup outside the health centre on the way to the office, and let 'em know that #5 says what they really need is a vaccine for people overreacting.

Experience

Experience is a funny thing. It can teach us a lot of important lessons. Like how you should probably skip the fish fillet with cream sauce at that all-you-can-eat buffet. Or how sometimes, instead of asking someone why they think that a $12/hour job at a third-rate "bar" and a right cheek full of needle marks gives them any right to tell you how to dress, it's better to just take off the damned baseball cap. Sometimes.



The thing about experience, though, is that you can't fake it. You can usually get by without it for a little while, and if you're lucky and you find yourself in the right situation (like sitting in a stool next to a guy with a well-worn 49ers cap), you can sometimes get it without it costing you too much. But you can't fake it.

Take Mr. Smid. This year, everyone's favorite asset finds himself in the somewhat unusual position of being a 23 year old NHL defenceman with over 200 games of experience under his belt. We were there, so we all saw that getting to this point for Laddy wasn't exactly cost-free for the Oilers. But now, unless we're seeing a "MA Bergeron Actually Looks Good Right Now, Do You Think It Has Anything To Do With Being Paired With Pronger" style mirage, it's looking like number 5 may have turned that development corner. And it's a good thing, too, because right now the Oilers D is finding it's self just a little short on experience. Here are the career NHL games played for last night's D:

Visnovski - 557
Strudwick - 556
Smid - 210
Gilbert - 184
Grebeshkov - 184
Chorney - 6

That's an average of 283 games per player. Meanwhile, we've got Staios (842 GP) out with a concussion, and Souray (616 GP) out with a concussion, a broken heart, and a bad case of helmet-crotch. Between the two of them they have 46 percent of all the NHL experience in the Oilers top 8.

So far, Chorney has looked good (he was even with 14:34 TOI last night) and the Oilers keep winning despite being out-chanced, but you have to figure that it can't last forever. If Edmonton doesn't get some of that experience back on the blue, Chorney's on-the-job training will inevitably hit a rough patch, and Grebeshkov's turnovers will keep piling up. And just like with the fish fillet, we'll be learning our lessons the hard way.

Gameday: Canucks v Oilers (Round One... Fight!)

The 'Nucks are in town and word around the Northwest Division is that it is on. They're missing Sami Salo, we're missing Shelly. They're missing Daniel Sedin, we're missing Ales Hemsky¹. So both teams are out their top D-man and their top goal scorer--

Wait. What? Hemmer isn't our top scorer? Well then who is?



Dustin. Penner.

Who woulda thunk it? I'll tell ya who thunk it. Nobody thunk it! Not one person thunk that DP would be our top scorer this year, least of all any schmuck at this blog.

But lo and behold, there he is: tied for 5th in the league in goals (neck-and-neck with certain people).

Speaking of surprising point-getters, one Mr. Comrie is looking like a terrific acquisition. Of more concern is that he finally trotted out his arm candy at RX1.



While The Duff seems genuinely pleased for her beau, one cannot help but notice that glint of hardened steel in her tastefully shadowed eyes. What the picture doesn't show is that gaze is leveled at Khabibulin's wife. I'd keep my head up if I were you, devochka, you are on thin ice around these parts.

On the topic of soft er... hands, Comrie's former teammate Georges Laraque is in a bit of trouble himself since the internet was set aflame by this little video:



Oh, Georges. I'm sure the big man had some inkling of what the makers of Octane 7.0 were going to do with the footage of him making an ass of himself amidst scantily-clad Sexoteque employees, but I doubt the poor guy knew he was going to get edited into a Satisfaction/Call On Me ripoff. He released a statement saying as much and, nearly a week later, it seems the world's most terrifying vegan is going to get off with a bit of "Aw shucks" and a tsk-tsk from NHLHQ (as he should, the money went to charity for goodness sake).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we have to push the curves of the Octane Girls out of our minds and focus on the hard edge necessary to steal our second divisional win from the claws of Lulu & Company. Here's hoping the injury bug is biting them harder than us.

¹Apparently Staios is out with the same flu bug. Wuh-oh.