SLOW FRESH OIL

Merry Christmas Baby

2011-12-24T19:43:00.000-07:00

Hey! Look! SLOW FRESH OIL updated! Begin Christmas riots... nnnnNOW!

So yeah, not much to say about the Oilers that hasn't already been discussed in the ever-growing Oilogosphere. Other than this:

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & A JOYOUS NEW YEAR!!!

Wishing for Wins, the Calder & a good return on the Hemsky trade. From Stan Weir & your friends at SLOW FRESH OIL!

Mach 20

2011-06-11T17:48:00.002-06:00

Taking a little hiatus on Reasonable Artspectations before I dive into the blueline. Not an inspiring bunch, I daresay.

Anyway, I found myself filling out a top 20 for The Org's $10k contest with ATB. Worth checking out even if you just plug ISS rankings into it. This draft should be enough of a crapshoot that just about any schmuck has a reasonable chance of winning that cash.

Here's my Mock 20 with (little to no) rationale:

1 - The Nuge - Having #19 means we're taking a forward first. Pegged as The Org's guy & I buy it.
2 - Huberdeau - Kurt Russell (dead ringer, no?) is going to the Avs thanks to his Memorial Cup run. Otherwise, they'd be taking Landeskog. And they might anyway.
3 - Zibanejad - Heard the Persian Prince is now in the top 3 conversation. People will lambaste Tallon, but I think he gets the last laugh.
4 - Larsson - Loophole Lou can't believe his luck. First, he wins the lottery & now he sees his #1 fall into his lap.
5 - Couturier - Will flourish as 2C behind Tavares.
6 - Landeskog - It would be insane if he drops this far, but I'm banking on this draft to be crazy. Sens get the Skinner of this year's draft.
7 - Khokhlachev/Strome - I see the UnJets taking the Spitfire riser or the IceDog. Either way, his counterpart will drop out of the top 10. Just my take.
8 - Siemens - The Org trades for this pick, or the Jackets hang onto it. Either way, the kid's going at 8.
9 - McNeil - Chiarelli rounds out his 1C/2C for the next decade (thank you, Brian Burke). This will make Boston's recent cup win even more ridiculous ;).
10 - Baertschi
11 - Hamilton - Avs atone for passing on Larsson & are sitting pretty in the prospect department.
12 - Armia - Jussi Jokinen's spiritual successor & Jeff Skinner's future best friend.
13 - Murphy - Flamers grab a falling waterbug in Don Cherry's #1 Overall. I will hate him regardless, but I see him being a long-term thorn in The Org's side.
14 - Phillips - Stars double their chances at C by taking another Scott Glennie.
15 - Miller - Not on my radar at all, but tried to think like Slats (read: crazily). Close to picking Oleksiak, but I see the American pivot with size as Sather's darkhorse.
16 - Strome/Scheifele - If Manitoba takes Khokhlachev, Strome's going to Buffalo. If not, the Sabres stick to Canada & the Russian drops out of the top 20.
17 - Beaulieu
18 - Saad
19 - Oleksiak - I think (pray?) that he'll slide & that The Org makes the right decision. Personally love this kid's arrows & raw physicality.
20 - Biggs - Kyle Turris: meet your future linemate & bodyguard.

There you go. Nothing groundbreaking, but a fun diversion & hey, I might win 10g's. If I do... DRINKS ON ME!

Reasonable Artspectations: Massive Update Part II

2011-05-13T18:07:00.000-06:00

Ryan Jones & "The Flow"

JF Jacques

I had zero inspiration drawing this one. Jacques, as is widely known, may be the least effective big man in NHL history. But he is big... So I went with that.

Liam "the Red Ox" Reddox

Obviously the opposite case here... Liam Reddox is a little ginger that works his bag off and gets great results. Yet he struggles for a regular gig while Jacques gets millions handed to him by the Organization for no return. Sigh.

That's all I have done for now, so stay tuned to twitter as I tackle the dregs of the Oilers forwards & on. As always, read Lowetide and take your vitamins.

In an effort to keep pace with the prolific blogger that is LT, most of these are pencilled, inked, and coloured in an hour or so. Previews and roughs will be posted on my twitter (lgwgreen). Scans and finished work will be uploaded here & my flickr whenever I get around to digitizing the damn things.

Resonable Artspectations: Massive Update Part I

2011-05-13T17:39:00.001-06:00

While Lowetide is still a good eight skaters ahead in his series, Reasonable Artspectations is chugging along behind the scenes. If you've been tuned into my twitter feed, you may have seen previews for a bunch of these. Finally got some scans done, so here's the first batch of the update:

Ales Hemsky, the Prince of Pardubice

Sam "Crazy Eyes" Gagner, Movember Edition

Andrew "Ironman" Cogliano

Komrade Horcov

*If you don't get this one, do yourself a favour & familiarize yourself with Pat "BDHS" Mclean's Kaptain Horcov

Jones, Jacques & Reddox to follow in Part II. Sharp eyes will notice that I skipped Magnus Paajarvi & Linus Omark, I will post them after the draft as part of a bigger piece.

In an effort to keep pace with the prolific blogger that is LT, most of these are pencilled, inked, and coloured in an hour or so. Previews and roughs will be posted on my twitter (lgwgreen). Scans and finished work will be uploaded here & my flickr whenever I get around to digitizing the damn things.

Reasonable Arts-pectations

2011-04-13T18:10:00.000-06:00

A year of inactivity on this blog can be credited to the information found within the second most recent post. Call it a boycott, if you're generous.

Anyway, I'm back at it. In an effort to hone my drawing skills, I will be posting illustrations of each Oiler as Lowetide posts his ever-riveting Reasonable Expectations. The first two recaps were posted by LT on April 11.

First up: Jordan Eberle

And: Taylor Hall

The series will continue with Ales Hemsky (preview) and Sam Gagner. In an effort to keep pace with the prolific blogger that is LT, most of these are pencilled, inked, and coloured in an hour or so. Previews and roughs will be posted on my twitter (lgwgreen), as well as in the comments section of LT's profiles. Scans and finished work will be uploaded here whenever I get around to digitizing the damn things.

Enjoy! (And please don't hesitate to let me know what you think)

Toonces: The Milquetoast Who Could GM an NHL Franchise

2010-11-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

The other day, Lowetide & his commenters stumbled onto the magic that is Steve Tambellini 3.0's official nickname: Toonces.

I couldn't resist.

There's An Analogy In This Somewhere

2010-11-16T23:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen this picked up anywhere except here and here. For those Landeskog boosters out there in the Oilogosphere.

The gloves are on because it's a 2-game suspension if you drop 'em. Those 2 games matter much more to the potential Top 3 Overall Pick aka Oilers First Overall Part Deux aka Adam Larsson than they do to 32-year-old Daniel Corso, so there you have it.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

2010-10-05T12:36:00.004-06:00

Oilers Season Previews are hard to digest right now. Quite honestly, the most accurate one I've read so far is McKenzie's Top 10 Prospects of 2011. The Org, barring miracle, has another tough slog and a near-rock bottom finish ahead of it this season. How do I know this? From what manner of witchcraft have gleaned this prognostication? Well, besides common sense, I've had a gander at the numbers. [EDIT: tweaked some syntax to clarify a couple points]

My hold on math is tenuous, but I managed to cobble together my opinion based on a rudimentary Excel spreadsheet and some basic division.

First, I listed every team that picked first overall in an NHL Entry Draft since the introduction of the Draft Lottery in 1995. Then, I determined where they finished the following year. The only aberration being 2005-06 when two teams were playing their first season pursuant to picking first overall (Washington and Pittsburgh, obviously). Then I determined, based on past results, the chances of where the 2010-11 Edmonton Oilers will finish.

Yr. of 1st OV Pick	Team	Next Yr.'s Standing	Reverse Order
2010	EDM	?	?
2009	NYI	26	5
2008	TBL	29	2
2007	CHI	20	11
2006	STL	22	9
2005	PIT	29	2
2004	WAS	27	4
2003	PIT	29	2
2002	CLB	29	2
2001	ATL	30	1
2000	NYI	30	1
1999	ATL	28	1
1998	TBL	27	1
1997	BOS	9	18
1996	OTT	16	11
1995	OTT	26	1

I think it's pretty clear what sort of conclusion we can begin to draw from this table: drafting First Overall appears to have very little impact on the team's results in the following season.

--5 times out of 15, the previous year's First Overall picker finished DFL. Interesting to note that every one of those instances happened pre-lockout.

--More significant? 9 times out of 15, teams were in the bottom 2 at the end of their post-1st-Overall-earning-season. When equipped with a first overall pick, teams have finished last or second last in a whopping 60% of the cases.

--The rest of the trends increase incidentally: 73.3% of the time, the highest drafting team finished in the bottom 5; 80% of the time they finished in the bottom 10; 93.3% of the time they finished in the Lottery (bottom 14). Do a quick subtraction and you find that the 1st Overall picking team has not received a lottery pick in only 6.7% of the cases.

--The sole team to ever finish out of the Lottery after drafting 1st Overall? The 1997-98 Boston Bruins. Joe Thornton only recorded 7 points in that year, so his rookie contribution was clearly a non-factor.

--To give this some context regarding the probability of drafting position based on the team's points results, take a look at an article by SLOW FRESH OIL's own Jesse R discussing draft probability from last season. Also, here's a table I lifted from the very handy NHLSCAP outlining the probability of draft position in the Lottery system (source):

	Chance of Draft Position after the lottery
Finish in Points	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14
30	48.20%	51.80%
29	18.80%	42.00%	39.20%
28	14.20%		56.10%	29.70%
27	10.70%			66.70%	22.60%
26	8.10%				74.70%	17.20%
25		6.20%				80.70%	13.10%
24			4.70%				85.40%	9.90%
23				3.60%				89.00%	7.40%
22					2.70%				91.80%	5.50%
21						2.10%				94.00%	3.90%
20							1.50%				96.10%	2.40%
19								1.10%				97.60%	1.30%
18									0.80%				98.70%	0.50%
17										0.50%				99.50%

This table will hold more interest closer to springtime, but it can still provide some encouraging tidbits:

--Accounting for the bottom 2's 67% chance to pick 1st OV in the Lottery system, there is a 40.2% chance that the Oilers will draft from the same position in 2011 (using past results).

--If, in the past 15 NHL seasons, 1st OV teams have finished 2nd last in points 27% of the time. And, if the 2nd last place team has an 18.8% chance of drafting 1st OV, the Oilers have a 5% likelihood of receiving 2011's 1st OV while still accumulating more points than a team like-- oh, I don't know-- the Maple Leafs.

So it's not all bad.

NOTE: If you see any holes in my math, please let me know. I tried to keep things simple on my end to limit my mistakes, but I could very well be overlooking an obvious error.

Umlauts

2010-09-23T22:45:00.001-06:00

Everyone knows that the pre-season means nothing, and that goes double for hockey blogs. But I was at the Joey Moss Cup on Tuesday and broke down and bought a #91 jersey from the Oilers Store, so I feel that I deserve at least some of the credit for Magnus' 4 point night tonight.

And speaking of the JMC, Pääjärvi had an alright game for Team White that night, but it was clearly overshadowed by the Triple-H line's 6 points, and by Joey's heartfelt rendition of O Canada. This time, with the upper bowl at RX1 no longer curtained off, MPS looked like he had something to prove, and decided to steal the show.

I imagine all the writers up in the press box had their "Taylor's First Pre-Season Game" stories prepped and ready to send off to their editors before the oil derrick had been raised back into the rafters, but no such luck. They'll just have to save those stories for October 7 and use Find/Replace to swap out "Tampa Bay" with "Calgary" and "pre" with "very long regular".

To be fair, Hall looked pretty good too, with his post, his nice break to the net, and his gift of a goal. I think Magnus just wanted to remind everybody that certain rookies on this team can buy beer in every single province. When the dust settled, both players were able to nicely take advantage of Lightning goalie Dan Ellis, who was obviously distracted after having missed the Fantastipotamus singing earlier in the day.

It's still very early days, but it sure is nice to have something, anything, to cheer for again when the Oilers are playing. I had almost forgotten the feeling. Göilers!

The Revenge

2010-09-13T21:40:00.000-06:00

I've already tried comparing the Souray situation to early 19th century Canadian history, but lately the whole thing has been reminding me more of George Costanza in the episode "The Revenge," from Seinfeld's second season. Okay, Sheldon didn't march into Tambellini's office for his dramatic exit, but he might as well have. "You are a laughing-stock. You are a joke! These people are laughing at you. You're nothing. You have no brains, no ability, nothing!" I think Spector cleaned things up a bit in the final draft of his article last spring, but the gist was basically the same.

And then today Souray decided to take another page from George's playbook by showing up for work and acting like nothing ever happened. With George, things didn't exactly work out as planned.

George: "What, that? Are you kidding? I didn't quit. You took that seriously?"

Sheldon: "Things that I said, that's five months ago. We are in a completely different spot now and there is a lot of optimism."

(As an aside, I like to imagine that the conversations in the dressing room today between Souray and his teammates went similar to George's banter with his coworkers in that second clip. "Awe, she's going to be a fine sailor.")

Then this evening, keeping in step with the Seinfeld episode, Steve Tambellini decided to clear up any remaining confusion about the situation, saying that the Oilers informed Souray last week that he would not be welcome at training camp. The comparison to "The Revenge" falls apart a bit when you remember the part about George's boss saying that he's a winner and will always be a winner, but only if you don't think that Oilers management believe that about themselves.

So, from this point on, the next steps for all involved seem clear: Sheldon Souray is going to have to find some way to slip Steve Tambellini a mickey.

August Smörgåsbord

2010-08-23T16:13:00.001-06:00

HUMBLE PIE
So it seems the coaching staffs (staves?) of the NHL have been settled. And Jason Smith doesn't have a job. This goes directly against my bold prediction (based on Gator's own words) that the former Oilers captain would be prowling a bench somewhere in the Bigs this season. I don't want to reveal my source, despite the rumour being unsubstantiated, because I still think Gator was convinced he was going to be hired. It didn't happen and my creditibility's sunk (not that I had any to begin with).

Sometimes you et the bar, and sometimes the bar ets you.

---

HORSE MEAT
At the Draft, I picked three guys I was bullish on. For those who care, here's a brief follow-up:

Devante Smith-Pelly
drafted 42nd overall by the Anaheim Ducks
Smith-Pelly covered his bet, getting drafted a good ten picks higher than his most generous ranking (BobbyMac had him at 52). All signs point to ANA having a great 2010 draft with their first three picks consisting of Devante, Cam Fowler, and Emerson Etem. For me, as much as I like the Major, Pitlick > Smith-Pelly. 2010-11 should see DS-P play another solid year for St. Mike's with the slim possibility of a trade to a more stacked team in the O.

Jordan Weal
drafted 70th overall by the Los Angeles Kings
The Pocket Pat was pegged as a slider from Jump Street and slide he did. Weal watched sequoias like Martin Marincin, Curtis Hamilton, and Ryan Martindale stroll up to the podium for the better part of a weekend until the Purple Crowns called his name. A steal of a pick that should pay dividends sooner rather than later for the Kings.

Patrik Nemeth
drafted 41st overall by the Dallas Stars
Going a pick prior to Smith-Pelly, the big Swede should be happy to be headed to Big D. They love Nemeth's type of game in the Lonestar State and, if all goes as planned, he could end up forming a killer shutdown pairing with RFA Nicklas Grossman (assuming he signs). Time will tell.

---

EATING LOCALLY
When trying to distract one's self from the summer wasteland that is hockey news in August, it helps to turn to those who make the best of it: the Oilogosphere. While many blogs are in radio silence for much of August, the guys over at Copper'N'Blue have been knocking it out of the park with almost every at-bat. Bruce McCurdy's most recent post, Retro Rockets is yet another dinger. They've added an OKC correspondent and a weekend link aggregator to the team, while the core posters have been dropping gems all month long. If you haven't been reading them, go take a perusal through their archives. Quality stuff.

Elsewhere, LT & J-Dub have made Oilers Nation much more bearable of late and they have even converted some of the braying farm animals that manage to work keyboards with their hooves into a near-thoughtful community of commenters. Key words being more bearable, some, and near-thoughtful. Keep up the good fight, gents!

Also a major shoutout to David Staples over at Cult of Hockey. He ranked SlowFreshOil a generous 35 out of 38 Oilers blogs based on readership, clout, and professionalism. How we didn't make dead last, I'll never know. Quite frankly, it's an honour to even be included in the same breath as some of the finest hockey bloggers on the planet. But look out Doritogrande, SloFreO's gunnin' for ya this season. Haha-- riiiight. Anyway, Staples also put up an intriguing piece on defensive mistakes today, which is well worth a read.

Lastly, BoA alum Andy Grabia is doing good work over about the Arena boondoggle at his new site: Why Downtown? A quick thanks to Andy for the glove-tap he gave my alter ego in a link dump citing the Internets Celebrities doc Stadium Status. Go read Andy's site and get angry, it's for a great cause.

---

CHICAGO DEEP DISH WITH ITALIAN SAUSAGE
Shaugger broke the news on Friday: Fernando Pisani is a Blackhawk. Hell of a team gets a hell of a player (when healthy) and a hell of a guy (full-time). In return, Fern gets another crack at Stanley (Hockey Gods-willing) and another season in the NHL. As usual, BDHS says it best:

Good luck and the best of health to [Fernando] and thanks for the memories.

Amen, brother.

Project: Rebuild, the Build-Up

2010-08-10T10:44:00.002-06:00

Edmonton Oilers: last place team in the NHL. A team barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic team. The Oilers will be that team. Better than it was before...

Better, stronger, faster.
---
The last instalment of this series was posted after a whirlwind Deadline Day. Many things have come to light since then, most notably is the rapid retreat from the cap ceiling. On March 4, the Org was only sitting a stifling $2-million shy of the cap. As of today, August 10, we can breathe comfortably with a ~$10-million cushion. Of course Samwise and Andrew have yet to sign, but we've got plenty scratch to spare.

OUT
the UFAs
Moreau (waivers)
Nilsson (buyout)
O'Sullivan (trade)

IN
Brule (re-signed)
Deslauriers (re-signed)
Dubnyk (re-signed)
Foster (signed)
Fraser (trade)
Gerber (signed)
Jacques (re-signed)
MacIntyre (signed)
Strudwick (re-signed)
Vandermeer (trade)

Gone are the expensive and ineffective; enter the inexpensive and large. While Fraser should be an asset in a checking role, his most appealing feature is his affordable cap hit and short term. Vandermeer is an overpay, but a UFA by the end of the season. Foster's deal is affordable and short, although it remains a bit of a gamble.

SMac and Jason Masterton return to Edmonton for peanuts and should see most of the games from the press box. Our goalie hydra is back, with a fourth head in Martin Gerber peering up from the depths of the A. Brule signed a cherry deal to avoid arbitration (helped by ATL's tossing of MacArthur into the shallow-yet-crowded FA pool) and the Org continued to pay Jean-Francois Jacques because, clearly, he's worked a gypsy curse of blindness on Steve Tambellini.

Overall, nothing you can get really mad at. Tambi sacrificed the three biggest goats on the team and managed to escape the worst of the cap ramifications. As predicted in the previous instalment, Steve went for big first, player second. Character seems to have rounded out his wants and all of these new additions seem to bring a lot to the table in that regard.

However, it's far from all good: the goalie situation is more than a little muddled; qualifying (and then signing) JDD & JFJ seems to be akin to flushing dollars down a toilet; and not a shred of clarity has been found in the Souray clusterfuck. Still, Steverino has earned a passing a grade this offseason and, given good numbers and length for Gags/Cogs + a possible Souray transaction, he just might start the season looking like a serviceable NHL General Manager.

As an addendum to the OUT column, we should probably include Pat Quinn whose "promotion" will allow Renney to step up and begin tinkering with the circuitry of the team. Where once was an old-timey line roller who relied on players' instincts, there will be a tactician (once more) who will attempt to hardwire the players' game in order to maximize development and, hopefully, success. Tom's already altered the coaching staff and it will be interesting to see how the bench dynamic develops when patrolled by Krueger-Buchberger-Smith.

In the IN column, we could bring the Entry Level contracts into the picture (Eberle, Paajarvi, Hall), but it remains to be seen who will break camp in the Bigs. The safe bet is Hall. Eberle is 50/50 (PPG+ in his AHL tryouts = satisfied management). Paajarvi could prove to be a longer shot than some think. While the Swede might have the greatest physical gifts and most rigorous experience (played vs. men for two seasons), there's a solid chance the Org will have him fire up his engines in OKC. Again, no telling where they'll land until Training Camp, so best to focus on the NHL players of the roster (which is why I've left out the AHL signings of Grioux et al).

So, now we wait. We wait for the last two RFAs to lay ink on paper. We wait for our starting goalie/MVP to stand in front of a judge in Sherriff Joe's county. We wait for Steve's vet forward to manifest itself into Eric Belanger (pleasepleaseplease), or Brendan Morrison (pleasenopleasenopleaseno), or nobody (better than Brendan Morrison). We wait for training camp and the myriad of answers it will bring to the questions swirling around the Org. Most of all, we wait for the NHL Regular Season to start so we can all start ignoring everything else in life. Moreso.

The Mule with a Spinning Wheel

2010-07-22T21:13:00.004-06:00

The city is all abuzz this week after Daryl Katz came to city council with cap in hand, to discuss his vision for a downtown arena and entertainment district. Due to recent cutbacks in the newsroom here at SLOW FRESH OIL, we were unable to attend in person, but I believe I've been able to piece together an accurate account of things based on live-tweets from the meeting and my past knowledge of Morgan Freeman's work.

The usually illusive team owner kicked off the presentation with a brief introduction.

"The name's Daryl. Daryl Katz. And I come before you good people today with an idea. Probably the greatest...Awww, it's not for you. It's more of a Hamilton idea."

At this point, I believe Mayor Mandel interjected:

"Now wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Hamilton. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it."

"Alright," Katz replied. "I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea. I give you the Edmonton Arena District!"

Audible gasps were heard from the crowd.

"They've built stadiums in Houston, Seattle, and Montreal. And by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on earth like a genuine, bona fide, world class Arena district! What'd I say?"

"Arena District!" exclaimed Katz Group spokesman Bob Black, standing up from the crowd.

"What's it called?"

"Arena District."

"That's right. Arena District."

At this point, they shifted to the Q & A portion of the meeting. Katz fielded questions regarding noise ordinance and safety concerns.

"What about us brain dead slobs?" asked one attendee. "You'll be given goalie's jobs."

In closing, Katz swore that it was Edmonton's only choice, and encouraged the gallery to throw up their hands and rejoice.

If there was one person in attendance who was not swayed by the proposal, it was Councilor Iveson, who was clearly concerned that diverting funds to the arena project would lead to other infrastructure priorities, such as road repair, going unfunded. But this was definitely the minority opinion, as one of Iveson's colleagues was quoted saying "Sorry Don, the mob has spoken."

It certainly sounds like Daryl Katz made an impact with his appearance, but I happen to be of the opinion that a publicly funded arena is a folly the people of Edmonton just should not embark upon. If we want to revitalize the downtown, we are far better investing in other projects, like this proposed 50 foot magnifying glass I keep hearing about.

Frontier Justice

2010-07-08T15:38:00.001-06:00

This is Peter Fidler. At 32 feet high, he is one of the two most famous tall men from Elk Point, Alberta. In my ongoing attempt to catch up on news I missed last week, let's dig deeper into the stories of both Mr. Fidler and Mr. Souray.

The real Peter Fidler worked as a fur trader and explorer for the Hudson's Bay Company in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. Just like Sheldon, by the time Peter was in his late 20s, he was already considered an all-star in his chosen profession. From the presumably reliable peterfidler.com:

"Enthused over the new maps Peter had provided, HBC officials in London ordered that he continue his map-making and be sent on new expeditions. From the summer of 1795 he spent the next seven years engaged in trading while surveying the northwest...It was also during this period that FIDLER, with the help of Akoi Makai, a Siksika Indian of note, created his famous map of southern Alberta, the Rocky Mountains, and the Missouri River drainage system."

In 1802, Fidler agreed to try to help make a go of things in the fiercely competitive northwest, 205 years before Sheldon Souray would agree to taking on a similar task for the Edmonton Oilers:

"On Sep 18, 1802 the FIDLER party arrived at Lake Athabasca. Then, with his eight remaining men Peter built Nottingham House at Fort Chipewyan, less than a mile from the NWC Post. Now all three of the companies had houses at Fort Chip."

Although both men tried their best, over the next couple of years things only got worse:

"In November of 1804 the XY Company joined forces with NWC...Now indeed things were looking bleak for the HBC. All of the parties involved had suffered poor returns as a result of the competition. Before he departed for Cumberland that spring, FIDLER was warned in no uncertain terms that he should not return."

At this point in the story, the strategy for both Souray and Fidler was one of diplomacy. Fidler came back the following year to try to make a truce with the rival trading companies. Number 44, on the other hand, quietly requested a trade last summer, apparently. I'm sure he thought that there would be plenty of GMs who would love to have him at his current price, and that if Steve Tambellini was properly motivated, he could have Souray soaking up the California sun in no time at all. But time ticked by and it didn't happen.

I'm sure Souray's frustration was quietly building all year. In addition to being unhappy with his location, things were going worse than ever for the hockey team. And then an altercation with a star from another team put him out of commission all together. I think Fidler could probably sympathise:

"BLACK was hired by the NWC in 1803 and was sent to the Peace River country to intimidate and harass rival traders. In 1805 BLACK was sent to Fort Chip, and Peter FIDLER and his men became his primary target. On the day he arrived, BLACK and his men began by pulling up his garden and attempting to set fire to his house. Vastly outnumbered, FIDLER had little choice but to endure, and to 'turn the other cheek'. In fact his instructions from headquarters were to do just that. Peter made an attempt to negotiate a truce with MacKENZIE but it soon became obvious there would be no truce. There was little else FIDLER and SWAIN could do but capitulate. Nottingham House was abandoned in the spring of 1806."

Things don't get much better for either man from here on out. Souray brooded in the hospital for a couple months and then decided he was going to try to hurt the team by slamming management. It might all have been true, but it was immature and poorly thought out, and shockingly, it didn't help him get traded.

Now that he's cleared waivers, you would have to think that Souray has hit a new professional low. I hope he's been spending the last few days taking a long hard look at himself in the mirror (as usual, I'm sure). And if I were him, I think I might be considering looking for a new agent, too.

Meanwhile, back in the 19th century, Fidler wasn't doing so hot himself. He crossed paths with Samuel Black again in 1810, and I don't think "new professional low" was too far off the mark for him either:

"BLACK and OGDEN conducted a systematic campaign of intimidation, the former swaggering about with gun and pistols...They shot at the (HBC) company's weather-vane, fired at FIDLER's flag, cut down his stockades, carried away his firewood, stole his fishing lines and cut his nets, so as to try to freeze and starve him out. Finally they forbade FIDLER's men to leave their house...On June 4, 1811, soon after FIDLER and his party embarked for Churchill, the Norwesters climbed over the stockade and set his buildings afire...In the fall of 1811 Peter sailed for England for a year's furlough."

It is very possible that Sheldon's complaints about the team were valid, and at the time, the Oilers popularity seemed to be at an all-time low. What could possibly go wrong? I'm not sure how a man over-values his professional worth so badly, but now he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. He has no trade value, and I think the damage he did with his bosses may be too deep to repair in time for the season to start.

Peter Fidler eventually settled down as the postmaster in Brandon, MB and had himself 14 children. I don't know what comes next for Sheldon Souray, but I hear they've got some nice girls in Oklahoma.

Captain's Log

2010-07-05T11:14:00.001-06:00

I've been away at the cabin for the past week, where my internet access is limited to spotty cell reception on my smartphone, so my Oilers news has mostly come in the form of occasional Twitter access and reading blogs well after the fact without the pictures loading properly (thank god I'm back in civilization so I can finally see what Cornelius Madigan looks like). There are a few thoughts rattling around my head about the goings on of the past week, so I will probably throw up a few posts over the next little while covering off some of the old news I missed. First up: Ethan Moreau.

I don't have much to say about Ethan getting waived and then picked up by his old friend Scotty. It was definitely time for both sides to move on. Moreau was great in the community, and served the Oilers well for most of his reign as the team's 15th captain. But in the past couple years injuries hurt his game on the ice, and the organizational culture decayed around him. I'm not sure that that was his fault, but he definitely carries some of the responsibility. Hopefully Rifles can bounce back in Ohio.

What I'm more interested in, though, is who gets to call themselves the Oilers 16th captain. It's a big decision, and one that will leave a significant impact on the rebuild. Who, if anyone, on the current roster is worthy of joining the storied ranks of Hamilton, Sather, Gretzky, Messier, and *cough* Corson *cough*?

If I were Tom Renney, I think that I would break camp without giving anyone the "C." The plan is to change the team's culture, and part of that will need to be a new leadership dynamic in the dressing room. It will take some time for that dynamic to shake out, and there's no point in rushing the process. Make Whitney a third Alternate and go from there. Maybe he steps up and proves he's ready to lead. Maybe in a year you consider giving the team to Hemsky as a way of getting him to sign an extension and motivating him to take that next step in his game. Or give it to Horcoff to make him feel better about the offense-killing shutdown role he is going to have to continue carrying. Or if one of the kids really steps up this year, maybe you go with them as captain next summer. I'm just brainstorming here, but the point is there is no need to rush into anything.

Is it just me? It's just me, isn't it?

2010-06-25T23:37:00.001-06:00

D-Day 2010

2010-06-25T12:00:00.002-06:00

It's hard for me to blog these days.

I could say that it's because work is the busiest it will be all year. I could say that it's because I've begun a new workout plan. Hell, I could say it's because Red Dead Redemption is out. But it's not any of that.

While the above is all true, I'm simply too busy reading all the fantastic draft coverage out there in the O-sphere and beyond. I spend all day at work on the computer, shifting stealthily from work to the endless stream of prospect reports, mock drafts, trade rumors, and on, and on...

A quick trip through our Required Reading over on the left could take hours just because it's all so damn interesting. From our little corner of the Oilogosphere, I would like to extend a genuinely earnest "Thank you" to all the bloggers that make this time of year a hockey nerd's wet dream.

So for D-Day, almost one full year after we started this thing, I'm just going to make a post out of some odds and ends that have been running through my head for the last week.
---
MY HORSES

While debate over The Pick rages, I try to spice up the later rounds of the draft by picking a few horses and rooting for them to finish strong. While they may not all be in the Oilers' wheelhouse, I'll cheer if I see them go to good Orgs and I'll groan if they drop too far... Unless the Oil get them.

Here's my horses for this year:

Devante Smith-Pelly
5'11" ~200 lbs. (most sites list him at 180, but he's gotten stockier this year)
CSS: 76 / ISS: 69 / THN: 65 / BobbyMack: 52
Profile@HF
From a Yahoo interview: "[My best asset is] combining the physical part of the game as well as the offensive aspect. I get most of my offence by being a bang-and-crash guy, finishing my checks, working the cycle. Running a guy over, then contributing with the offence, I’d say that is my biggest asset."

Devante here is my thoroughbred. The longshot champ. Secretariat. I've tracked this guy since he was a late addition to Team Cherry. A bulldog on the ice with a nose for the puck. Not afraid to make hard plays and, in fact, seems to relish the opportunity to make one. Low center of gravity and thicker than he's given credit for. With his spot in the draft, I'm really hoping the Org gives him a hard look at 61, but I'll enjoy tracking his progress to the Bigs regardless of where he lands.

Jordan Weal
5'9" 165 lbs.
CSS: 30 / ISS: 32 / THN: 41 / BobbyMack: 48
Profile@HF
From Remmerde: Great instincts for the game. Excellent creativity. High compete level... Very good inside the offensive zone. Very creative and makes things happen with the puck. Really distributes the puck smartly... Really competes and isn't afraid of battling physically or taking a hit to make a play.

Jordan Weal is a smurf. We hardly need another one, but there's something about this guy's motor. A pest in the offensive zone with a penchant for turnovers. Eberle's linemate could be a great addition (see: Lander, Anton) and could be had late in the second. I like him at 48, but here's hoping he'll slip much farther down due to his size concerns and the Org takes a chance on a potential steal. Again, should be fun to see what he can do for whichever club that picks him.

Patrik Nemeth
6'3" 212 lbs.
CSS: 11 (Euro) / ISS: 37 / THN: 61 / BobbyMack: 42
Profile@HF
From Copper & Blue: He's a physical force on the ice who moves well and will likely be a shut-down-type defender and penalty killing expert, yet he's going to last well into the second round because he has zero offensive ability. The closest comps that come to mind are Matt Greene and Jason Smith, prior to his knees totally failing him.

Opinions on this Swede are scattershot, but there is consensus on his high-grade defensive skills. Another potential slider, Nemeth could be a steal if his mean streak and physical presence translate to the pro leagues. I think he'd fit into the Oilers' prospect pool just fine and might be on the radar due to StuMac's taste for Swedish meatbal--err--talent. IMHO, he'll be knockin' heads around in the NHL sooner than expected.
---
THE PICK

"I have to go to those places."

Those seven little words, spoken earnestly by Hall in Oil Change, have converted me to preferring the winger. While as hardline Seguin as a guy can be through this whole process, it's hard to ignore the fire that Taylor has in every word, every play. I masking taped "HALL" on the back of my jersey today and I'll be wearing it to the Draft Party. Of course, I'd be thrilled with Seguin, but the 8-year-old inside me wants the Spitfire.
---
WHAT IF...

...Deslauriers gets traded in the first round? I heard he'll be at the RX1 Draft Party. Am I allowed to yell, "Pack your shit!" at him? Is it rude to start a chorus of "(Na Na Hey Hey) Kiss Him Goodbye"? Can I throw things?

That last one's probably over the line, but anything I threw would probably sail over his shoulder anyway.
---
So here we are: T-minus 5 hours until the big moment. The Pick will be the climax of a depressing season and happy days will be here again. Looking forward to the offseason going full bore once D-Day settles all the prospect talk and, assuredly, gives way to some big trades. We'll get a GM and Head Coach in OKC, an Assistant GM with the big club, and the rounding out of the Oilers coaching staff (something has to happen after the Quinn move). While shallow, the UFA market will be intriguing and we'll have a long summer to relish the anticipation for that first day of Training Camp.

We here at SLOW FRESH OIL have had a blast blogging the Oilers' travails this year. We look forward to doing so in the future and maybe even gaining another reader!

...Well, a guy can dream, can't he?

GOILERS!

Stadium Status

2010-06-09T12:51:00.003-06:00

A fascinating look at the development of new multi-m(b)illion dollar professional sports facilities from Internets Celebrities. The pair, a duo of chubby, satirical New Yawk bloggers, take a street-level look at the so-called "revitalized" areas around New Yankees Stadium, CitiField, and the pending Brooklyn Nets stadium. Focusing on the practice of leveraging public moneys into these projects, Dallas and Rafi expose what we already knew: owners are after profit and profit alone. Damn the residents, the area, and the taxpayers, these stadiums are pure moneymakers. The doc is a worthwhile watch, especially for those of us looking down the barrel of a similar gun here in Edmonton.

Now we're far removed from the high political corruption and intrigue of the Gotham State ("[Bruce Ratner] went to law school with the old governor"), but we've got our own Old Boys Club currently on the payroll of pretty much the only gun in town when we're talkin' billions in net worth. Mr. Katz is on his own warpath to "stadium status" and, though he may not be evicting tenants (yet), he has already convinced the majority of the populous that we're waiting on the rain to let up in order to break ground.

Exaggeration aside, the Katz Group seems to be performing some sleight of hand to push the public hearing of the zoning issue past the election. Could this be a bargaining chip with his Mayorship? Katz & Co. may be holding off on breaking it to the proles that they will be paying for the building, which would remove one more obstacle between Mandel and re-election. With no arena issue dangling above him during his campaign, the incumbent might just look that much more favourably on The Org's Arena District when the zoning approval is tabled. Public outcry is easy to ignore if the numbers work.

The mainstream media is playing a pawn in this affair as well. The widely-read daily METRO gave this headline: Katz Group OKs delay to zoning proposal. Another interesting (and oddly anonymous) article popped up in the Journal today: Breathing room. Both articles posit that the KG and the City are making the "wise" move, the move that's right for "everybody." It's easy to see through the ratty wool they're trying to pull over our eyes, especially when supposed negative-bent articles (here and here) still read like a rousing huzzah for the new building.

This is all really a meditation on the inevitability of it all because, as readers of SLOW FRESH OIL know, the plans have been in place for quite some time.

SIDE NOTE: In other sad arena news, looks like SanFran is losing the Niners to the hardcore sports city of... Santa Clara? Sigh... So long, Candlestick, you've had a good run and you know we'll leave our hearts in San Francisco.

Florida Gator

2010-06-04T10:05:00.000-06:00

Now this is a close as I get to a scoop, but I have a juicy, plump, throbbing rumour that, as recent as a week ago, plopped out of the horse's mouth.

Jason "Gator" Smith, NHL journeyman, former Oilers captain, and all around shit disturber, will likely be named Assistant Coach for a Southern market team (most likely Tampa Bay). This comes from Smith via a trustworthy source.

Okay, it may not be the most titillating gossip, but it's the only thing NHL-wise I've heard about before anyone else... So, damn it all, I'm gonna report it!

"A Gun Or A Good Poem?"

2010-05-31T10:17:00.001-06:00

Edmontonoilers.com snagged an interview with Tyler Seguin at the 2010 NHL Combine the other day and picked his brain about the Combine and his experiences heading into the Entry Draft (video here). It's all pretty much boilerplate until Seguin gives a bit of insight on the interview process. Commenting on the types of questions he's received, he said the one that stood out the most was "What do you like better: a gun or a good poem?"

This is a question the Org could very well be asking themselves.

With Draft Day a scant 24 days away, the higher-ups are inspecting every minute detail about Hall and Seguin. But the big picture remains the same... A gun or a poem? The Brawn or the Brains? A natural goalscorer or a playmaker who can check? A flashy winger or a two-way centerman? Hall or Seguin? HALL OR SEGUIN?!

While Ales "Starscream" Hemsky has long been looking for a gun on the wing, will Taylor "Megatron" Hall be the right fit? How durable is he? Nothing's worse than a gun jamming on you when you're in a pinch, but if it's firing well, you can do some major damage.

A good poem is a thing of beauty: intelligent, thoughtful, subtle-- these are among the qualities of the greatest pieces to have been scribed onto a blank sheet. Good poems touch us at the deepest level, but we might not understand them until years after our first reading. But they can also be trite, silly, contrived-- a total waste of poesy and inspirado. Is Seguin a sonnet or a corny limerick? If the Gun comes into the league a-blaze, will a masterpiece in 5 years be worth passing on Hall?

According to Seguin: "Well I think guns are destructive, so I guess-- I'm not very poetic-- but I'd say a good poem over that." Of course, Tyler is trying to give the "right" answer, but he's touching closer to home than he thinks. This looming decision, balancing on the hairbreadth of a razor's edge, will decide the future and direction of the Org and will be the fulcrum of any Oilers discussion for the forseeable future. At least until we see the kids on the ice.

So, Stu, the Gun or the Poem?

My Two Halls

2010-05-18T20:31:00.003-06:00

This is Taylor Hall, skating in an Oilers alumni game in 2009. No, not that Taylor Hall. And no, not those Oilers. It seems like the closer we get to the draft, the more divided Oil Country becomes over Hall/Seguin. With every beauty goal Taylor scores for the Spitfires at the Memorial Cup, he seems to gain more supporters in the public opinion. And with every big hit he takes, he seems to drive more fans into Seguin’s camp. It’s like Edward/Jacob all over again.

But let’s get back to this other Taylor Hall for a minute. They used to call him “City”. I’ve been reading up on him a bit, and I think he’s got more relevance to this discussion than just the names on the front and back of his jersey. Just like Windsor’s #4, I’m sure that this Taylor Hall, a Regina native, wouldn’t have minded being drafted by the Edmonton Oilers one bit back in 1982. But in the 6^th round, 116^th overall, Hall was picked up by the Vancouver Canucks. He and Michel Petit would be the only 2 Vancouver draft picks from that year to ever play in the NHL. Petit played over 820 games for 10 different teams in the big show. Hall played 41.

The years after the draft, Hall turned heads playing for his hometown Pats. In his 19-year-old season he finished 4^th in WHL scoring with 142 points (2.06 ppg), and scored his first NHL goal during a 4 game call up. Now that was a different time in a different league, but to compare, present-day Taylor Hall tied Seguin with 106 points (1.86 ppg) in the OHL this year. The next year, 84-85, Hall made the Canucks out of camp, and Vancouver looked like it had found its self one hell of a nice young winger. Playing on a line with Peter McNab and Cam Neely, he went 1-4-5 in 7 games. Things were going great, and then that thing happened that every hockey fan who follows their favorite prospects fears. No, not that fear.

Playing in a game against the Islanders, Taylor Hall was knocked hard into a goalpost and blew out his left knee. I don’t know if the injury had a lasting physical impact, or if it was just bad timing on the development curve, but the guy never really recovered. He bounced back and forth between the AHL and the NHL for a few years afterwards, and eventually settled into a spot on the Tulsa Oilers in the brand-new CHL for the 92-93 season. He finished his playing career there, and from what I can tell, he’s has had a reasonably successful career in management and coaching at the minor pro level since then.

So does Taylor “City” Hall’s story tell us anything about the 2010 draft? Prospects get hurt all the time, and sometimes the consequences are big. It’s not something the team can control, and I'm not sure that I buy that it's something you can predict based on "playing style". If the Magnificent Bastard projects Tyler Seguin to be the better player, we should pick him. If not, we should pick Hall. Enough with all this hand-wringing about potential for injury. Injuries happen, no matter which Taylor Hall you are.

The New Arenas

2010-05-04T15:03:00.001-06:00

With the Series-of-Tubes all a-flutter about some poor journalism, I thought I'd pick up on a HHoFer Jim Matheson piece that ran in the Journal on Friday. Essentially just a "Quick Hits" filler article, Matheson skims over the unlikelihood of a Jagr signing, breaks the news that Seguin's own coach prefers Ty to Tay, and then crafts a paragraph that mentions both MPS' quest for a pro contract and two prospects that are loosely connected to Jagr. All in all, not that outstandingly bad of an article, even by ol' Matty's standards... Until the last paragraph. As printed:

SIDE EFFECTS
Paajarvi-Svensson has his own website. Among the tidbits there are an on-ice ritual.
"If I get hit on my left side in a game, I tap my right side directly after. You know, to make it balance. You don't see it, if you don't know about it," he writes.

Looking at prospect's website? Yeesh, how could a self-respecting MSM journalist lower themselves to dip into blog-grade material? Well, Matty must have something up his sleeve here...

He rooms with another Oilers draftee, Anton Lander, in the national junior team program and his favourite musical acts are rappers Akon and Lil Wayne, who was recently imprisoned after being convicted for illegal gun possession.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... How did this not get front paged?! A nineteen year old listens to popular rap, now that's groundbreaking. But this Small Wade is a felon too? Jesus, why haven't we cut ties over character issues yet?

As Matheson implies, where there's smoke, there's fire. No doubt the Org is destined to find half an armory tucked behind a false wall in the Swede's locker, forcing a suspension in the midst of a Forsbergian rookie season and casting a long shadow over the poor judgement shown by the team.

If only they had listened to Jim, Goddamnit.

Now I know Jim must have had his eyes locked on the word count when he transcribed that little gem from Wikipedia, but that's no excuse. To put out that sort of bigoted, lazy message out there as edited, unbiased sports journalism is irresponsible and a total waste of time for anyone who had that misfortune to read it.

Which is why a blog is covering it. Take some notes, Jim.

Thoughts on Game 7

2010-04-29T11:25:00.002-06:00

Wow. What a great series we got to see this week. I don't know anyone who had picked them to win. But if you can force a game 7, anything can happen. Sure, the other guys might have had a couple flashy Russian players, but it really just goes to show you what a determined team can do, especially with a little help from a hot goalie. And really, in retrospect, when a team has as long and storied a history as these guys, it's probably never a good idea to count them out completely.

So, credit where credit is due: Congratulations to Ak Bars Kazan on winning the KHL playoffs and taking home the Gagarin Cup. I think that Alexei Shevchenko said it best in the opening paragraph to his article on the KHL's english website:

"The final game unfolded as all had expected. Both teams knew full well how the slightest mistake would be punished, and concentrated all their efforts into not gifting their opponents any chances. Experience told in the end. The visitors twice breached Michael Garnett’s defenses, while preventing the hosts from doing the same to Petri Vehanen."

Of course it stands to reason. HC MVD made the fatal error of putting a Canadian in goal. The western decadence he displayed in net and his capitalist laziness made his defenses far too easy to breach. And, just as the USSR gifted East Germany to the west, experience told in the end and HC MVD gifted Ak Bars too many chances. Iilya Nikulin said it best a bit later in the Shevchenko article:

“We just kept battling. Not just for ourselves, but for the injured guys,” he said. “Unity is our strength. We never surrender when the going gets tough. That little bit extra makes Kazan what it is – not a team of one or two players, but a real, united collective.”

Keep battling. Not just for ourselves. Unity is our strength. Never Surrender. A real, united collective. This is why western hockey will ultimately fail. Do not be seduced by the star-driven bourgeois that is the National Hockey League, where working-class players become a commodity unto themselves. It is only through collective determination that a strong new proletarian hockey utopia can emerge. Long live Alexander Medvedev. Long live the KHL.
.

Comparing the Worst: MGLI, Depth, and the 2008-09 New York Islanders - Part I

2010-04-17T11:18:00.003-06:00

2009-10 Edmonton Oilers: 27-47-8, 214 GF/284 GA, 62 PTS
2008-09 New York Islanders: 26-47-9, 201 GF/279 GA, 61 PTS
---All year I've been keeping track of Man-Games Lost to Injury and commenting on how they can represent the depth of a team. Thin teams, like the 2008-09 Isles or our favourite bunch of losers, are ravaged by high MGLI numbers. Others, like the 2008-09 Blues or Flyers, manage to shore up the holes and put together decent seasons without the injured players.

The comparison between last year's Islanders and this year's Oilers go a bit deeper...

GOALTENDING

Rick DiPietro played a pitiful 5 games in 2008-09. Nikolai Khabibulin played 18 this season. Although DiPietro's relationship with his Organization is much different than Khabibulin's, Ricky and Nikky both sport injury-prone histories and noose-like contracts. They were both relied upon to be the cornerstone of the team and they were both sidelined by hardly-surprising injuries (knee and back respectively; both problem areas prior to the seasons).
NYI spent the rest of 08-09 splitting time between Joey MacDonald and Yann Danis, while the JDDD combo replaced the Oilers' 09-10 starter. The similarities are startling when you dig into the goalies' careers.

Joey MacDonald played 17 NHL games prior to the 08-09 season and Danis: only 6 GP. The tenders played a combined 350 games in the AHL and 276 in Junior and NCAA respectively. While much older than the Oilers' tandem, NYI's solution in net was near identical in experience.

ADD was the only Oiler backup with NHL GP, a paltry 10 games at that. In the A, the two put up a combined 236 GP with 342 GP in Junior. So, totaled, each tandem's experience looks like this:

MacDonald/Danis: 23 NHL GP, 350 AHL GP, 276 Jr./NCAA GP
Deslauriers/Dubnyk: 10 NHL GP, 236 AHL GP, 342 Jr. GP
Ugly, isn't it? To drive the point home, let's have a gander at NYI's goaltending situation this season. DiPietro played 8 games (surprise, surprise), but Garth Snow had had the foresight to let Mac and Danis walk, instead signing Dwayne Roloson and Martin Biron in the offseason. The duo's combined 895 NHL GP assuredly contributed to the Isles' progression from a -78 Goal Differential in 08-09 to a -36 Goal Diff. in 09-10. Both tenders posting vastly better boxcars than their predecessors with very little change to the roster in front of them.

So, with the GM's postseason State of the Union, it's clear the Oilers are considering goaltending alternatives. While the Ruskie seems to have wormed his way into Tambellini's good graces (a good look from J-Dub), he's also vowed the Org won't keep its three-headed dog on the chain.

With Khabby in the mix, everyone but Steve is bracing for a shared starter position. Dubnyk should spend the year in OKC rehabilitating his confidence and being the rock in net he's proved himself to be at the AHL level. He'll have buckets more scoring with some high-level prospects entering the system, which should do wonders for Rob Daum and the new farm team. Meanwhile, Nik's backup should be a UFA pick-up with plenty of NHL experience... Martin Biron, maybe? And maybe his backup will be the next Monster.

If Garth. Snow. can recognize an injury-prone franchise goaltender (albeit 3 years after that ridiculous contract) and address the problem of an inexperienced backup tandem, then a similar solution has to be rattling around in TambLowe's near-vacant hivemind. I'm all for Adam Larsson, but letting a blue-chipper like Dubnyk get shelled over and over again is not an appropriate path for a rebuilding team. How the Org treats the goaltending this year will be very telling of how this club will fare in 2010-11.---I'll keep on this comparison over the next couple weeks, addressing the D and the forwards with a focus on team depth and impact of injuries. Stay tuned, true believers.

The Playoffs: When Sports Writers Really Earn Their Keep

2010-04-16T10:29:00.007-06:00

Here are the first sentences from the 4 game previews up on TSN.ca today:

Here are some synonyms for the verb "try" that I found on Thesaurus.com:

Aim, aspire, attack, bear down, chip away at, compete, contend, contest, do one's best, drive for, endeavor, essay, exert oneself, go after, go all out, go for, have a crack, have a go, have a shot, have a stab, have a whack, knock oneself out, labor, lift a finger, make a bid, make a pass at, make an attempt, make an effort, propose, put oneself out, risk, seek, shoot for, speculate, strive, struggle, tackle, undertake, venture, vie for, work, wrangle.

Last

2010-04-11T16:02:00.001-06:00

The Edmonton Oilers play the Anaheim Ducks at 6:00PM MST today, Sunday, April 11, 2010.

It's the last game on the 2009-10 NHL schedule.

Fitting, as the Oilers are the last place team in the 2009-10 NHL Season. A first for the team.

They also happen to be last in Goals Against, Faceoff%, Man Games Lost to Injury (530), and near the basement in plenty of other columns.

There's no guarantee we'll pick first on June 25, but we've got the biggest ball in the bingo cage. Although it does come down to a coinflip...

Last, at last.

Nowhere to go but up, right?

New Recruits

2010-04-07T17:56:00.002-06:00

In addition to Petry, the Org has brought Linus "Chip Shot" Omark and Chris VandeVelde into the fold. LT has a couple of nice pieces about the newbies and I think most heads around the O-Sphere are eager to see the trio's pro careers begin. Omark's signing is probably the most intriguing, as the small man's addition to the pro roster makes the line to the low urinal even longer.

The Oilers have hit the tipping point on vertically challenged skill players, so there's pressure to ship some of them out come the offseason. I figure we'll see Cogs and Creme Brule back for sure, but DuffMan's a longshot and Row-bert appears to be primed for a ticket out of town come Draft Day. Patio Lanterns and his ugly cap hit will probably see out his tenure with the Org, so here's hoping he stays snakebit for another Dive for Five. Anyway, if Omark's Desjardins' prove accurate and his YouTube hits keep coming in OKC, the management might give him a swig of that coveted coffee in 2010-11. So Tambellini best make room for him...

Though with Eberle not getting a sniff from upstairs, maybe we've struck on a revolutionary, controversial new sports theory: player development. Ebs is putting along cheerfully in Springfield, staying on a cockle-warming 1.25 PPG pace for the season and twice being the only Falcon on the scoresheet. The Cardiac Kid will finish out the season in Massachusetts and there was even some talk that he could get a long look for Messier's Worlds club. The arrows are pointing up, up, up with Ebs and it might just stay that way, if the Org sticks to its guns about sheltering our young talent.

---Oh, and just in case you thought you'd see an Omark post without that damn shootout goal...

Someone in the Katz Group needs to hire whoever edited this ASAP.

Petry

2010-03-26T08:27:00.004-06:00

Word has it (from LT via Flaming & Millard) Eberle won't be the only new face in Sprungfeld. Collegiate bookworm Jeff Petry will finally give up on his dreams of academia and ink a pro contract with the Org sometime in the near future.

Having discussed the Eberle situation, I'd give Petry equal odds on a stint with the big club after we eclipse T-9 games this evening. If the contract is done by today, Petry could see himself swapped out for Arsene or Chorney as soon as Sunday.

That depends, of course, on whether he flies or falls in the AHL.

Update: Via Tencer, Petry is signed, sealed, and being delivered to his first pro team. I'll bet his cup of coffee is brewing already...

Upperdate: Two years for the big Michigander.

Sunk Costs

2010-03-23T14:37:00.004-06:00

There's word around the Internet this week that the Oilers are open for business leading up to the draft. Lowetide quoted this piece from the Boston Globe that threw out names like Penner, Gagner, Hemsky, and Cogliano. And an article from Rishaug on TSN.ca on Monday had this tidbit: "Anyone in the organization (with the exception of Eberle) could be in play and available to the highest bidder." With all this trade talk, I'm a bit worried about some of the comments I'm seeing.

Certain Oilers fans are making the argument that the Oilers shouldn't trade this or that young player because only loser organizations suffer through the development years of their players only to trade them when they're hitting their prime. I've seen terms like "NHL's Farm Team" thrown around. The argument that we shouldn't trade players just as they're reaching the productive years of their careers seems to make sense at first, but actually doesn't really hold up.

Sure, loser organizations are usually the same organizations that trade away their talent just as they are getting good. But that's not what makes them losers. What makes them losers is that they don't get full value for those young players when they do trade them. It's one of those causation vs. correlation things.

There's a concept in Economics called Sunk Costs. Basically what it says is that when you're trying to make a decision about the future, it does you no good to worry about what you've already done. If you manufacture a product that costs 10 dollars to make and you break even on every sale, it doesn't really matter that you spent 100 million dollars building the factory. You're still better off cutting bait and putting the rest of your money in the bank. At least there it will earn a little bit of interest. The 100 million is gone, no matter what you do.

In the same way, it doesn't really matter if the team suffered through the "Clouseau-esque" development of some of our young players. Just like the 100 million dollars, we can't get that ice time back. And we shouldn't let that baggage affect our decision-making. (You can make the same manufacturing analogy about vets like Moreau, too. Just swap out "breaks even on every sale" with "takes a significant loss on every sale.")

We can all agree that the team is bad today, but the way to get better is by evaluating the future value of each move, and then pull the trigger on the ones that make sense moving forward, without worrying about what has already happened.

So, I agree that for a player like Sam Gagner, the risk/reward of cashing in his future value for the expected future value of a Hall/Seguin probably doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have anything to do with the growing pains we've already suffered with the player. Gagner has a future value. Hemsky has a future value. Cogliano has a future value. If the Oilers can trade them away and get better future value back, then they should do it. Period. It's the only way we will ever get better.

Gettin' Up

2010-03-22T16:40:00.000-06:00

2009-10: 3 GP, 6 PTS (3G, 3A) playing with Linglet/Minard-Wiseman
2008-09: 9 GP, 9 PTS (3G, 6A) playing with Potulny-Stone
The Cardiac Kid has arrived in Springfield. Again. So far, Eberle's tallied 15 points in a dozen games in the A and, even by modest standards, is going like gangbusters.

What does this mean for the Oilers? Only the reckless acceleration towards the inevitable: Eb to Ed.

The EJ is all over JE's production and claims the Org "told the kid a call-up is coming as long as he produces, and he's holding up his end of the bargain."

There's no quotation marks around that excerpt in the story proper, which smacks of pandering. They quote Daum and he answers like they're asking him at gunpoint why he hasn't hand-delivered young Master Eberle to Tambellini's doorstep, snug in a basket and swaddled in an Oilers jersey. They are, of course, paying lip service to the slavering fans eager for his call-up. With nothing to lose and a joyless season rapidly retreating to the darkest corner of our memories, the Oilers will no doubt bring the kid up and start hustling hope by the kilo.

The Ducks game on Friday marks the Oilers ninth-last game of the season. T-9 games means open season on call-ups that won't effect eligibility. Could we see Eberle that early? Perhaps. Or the management may wait until the team heads to Missouri and ease the kid in with a short flight and a mellow Sunday afternoon tilt against the Blues.

A good showing from Eberle would be a mouthwatering appetizer for the Draft for fans and the Org alike.
---
Quick Hits
--Re: that First Overall Pick... The debate rages on, but now their asking Pat Quinn what he thinks. "Isshy and what? You must be some kind of crazy person," OTC responded.

--Another late-season pleasure, the Spoilers are starting to show up at the rink. Despite beating the Wings, they gifted them a Loser Point and helped them edge past the Flamers. Last night, the Sharks saw the Pacific Division slip out of their grasp thanks to the Spoil. Except for the Vancouver game, anymore wins for the good guys could cause some major disruption in the Western Conference Playoff race.

--Man Games Lost to Injury Watch: 441. Based on Mirtle's 2008-09 late-season projections, we're outpacing the Blues Conference-worst MGLI from last year, something they overcame to make the playoffs as a 6th seed. Interestingly enough, the last place Islanders posted the League-worst 566 MGLI the same year. That also happens to be the worst the League's seen in the past five years. The Oil aren't likely to catch up, but we'll come close... And we'll likely post a worse record than the 08-09 Isles.

--Another interesting piece on injuries, specifically CHIP (Cap Hit of Injured Players).

Any Similarities To Mc79hockey Are Purely Coincidental

2010-03-08T19:39:00.018-07:00

Right now, as you all know, the Oilers are in a dog race for last place. With another pesky two-game winning streaks under their belt, the Oilers find themselves starting the week only 4 points back of Toronto. So, you might be asking yourself: Is the eponymous 'Fall for Hall' in jeopardy?

The choice between Hall/Seguin is looking more and more like a crapshoot all the time, so the goal here for the Oilers, I think, is to draft first or second overall. At this point, there are two things in our way: The Leafs and the lottery. What, then, are the odds of the Oilers missing out on a top-two draft pick? Let's take a look at the numbers to see if we can't find out. Be forewarned: it might get a little math-y after the break.

Part 1: The Race To The Bottom

By this time of year, Sports Club Stats is usually one of my daily internet stops. If you've never been to the site, what they do is calculate the odds of your team finishing in the playoffs by simulating the rest of the season 25 million times. For example, today's simulations have the Oilers going 17-0 and finishing 10th in the West 15 times out of 25 million (that's a 0.00006% chance!). The site isn't really set up to help you calculate the odds of finishing last in the league, but for my devoted Slow Fresh Oil readers, I took the numbers and played around with them a bit to see what I could find.

At this point, with 12 more points than us, I think it's safe to say that the Islanders are a non-factor, so for simplicity's sake, I'm not even going to consider them here. 30th overall is basically a two horse race. The Oilers are going to finish the season with somewhere between 48 and 82 points. Based on Sports Club Stats' numbers, here are the odds of us finishing with each of those point totals, and then the same numbers for the Leafs:

Looking at the above chart, you can see that the Oilers are most likely to finish the season with 62 points, and the Leafs are most likely to finish the season with 68. Building on those numbers, we can figure out what the odds are of the Oilers finishing behind the Leafs this season.

Basically, when the dust settles, based on the Sports Club Stats numbers, the Oilers are expected to finish last in the league 84 percent of the time. I like those odds, but I've never been one to count on the Leafs succeeding at anything, so let's keep going.

Part 2: The Lottery

For the uninitiated, the draft lottery works like this: each of the 14 teams that miss the playoffs have a chance of winning the lottery and moving up in the draft. The last place team has the highest chance of winning (25%), and the 17th place team has the lowest (0.5%). Each team can only move up 4 spots if they win, so teams 26 - 30 are all in the running for first overall pick.

If the Oilers finish last in the league, they are guaranteed to draft in the top two. In that case, there would be a 25 percent chance that they win the lottery and stay first overall, a 23.2 percent chance that a team outside the bottom five wins, which would also mean we draft first, and a 51.8 percent chance we drop to second overall. Basically a coin toss between first and second.

If the Leafs manage to do what they do best and we end up 29th in the league, our chance of drafting in the top two drops from 100 percent down to 60.8 percent. So in that case, 4 times out of 10 the Oilers would be drafting Cam "Safety School" Fowler with the 3rd overall pick.

Part 3: The Conclusion

Put those numbers all together and you end up with something like this:

So, as of right now, the Oilers have a 94 percent chance of succeeding with their tank job. And frankly, Cam Fowler's not a bad consolation prize for the other 6 percent. I think it is safe to say there's no need to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside. Not yet, at least.

Project: Rebuild, the Prelude

2010-03-04T11:48:00.011-07:00

Better, stronger, faster.
---

So our GM-cum-Oscar-Goldman has tipped his hand on deadline day and I can't yet tell if I'm at peace with it or in an intense state of denial. LT seems to think 2010-11 will bring another Fifty-Seven Million Dollar Team that does less slow-motion roof jumps and a lot more sucking. Truth is, Steve Austin was at the top of his profession before his rebuild; we, on the other hand, are at the bottom. And it's a looong way up.

With deadline day marking the actual start point of the rebuild, I'm going to start tracking the steps of Tambellini's quest for renaissance.

OUT
Grebeshkov
Visnovsky
Staios

IN
Jones
Whitney
Johnson

These are cap moves, plain and simple. Losing The Vision is a bitter pill, but Souray's season-ending infection ultimately sealed the Slovak's fate. We also get bigger across the board, which has been Tambo's mandate from jumpstreet and will likely be the rock he builds his church on. My biggest gripe has got to be the return on the Anaheim deal, case in point:

Petteri Nokelainen is a grinder on the wing(!) with size(!!) and a stellar two way game(!!!). He's young(!!!!) and comes with a bonus year for under a milli(!!!!!). Your man was obtained by the deadline wizards in AZ for a fourth. Did we even ask about him? Could Moreau, having scored 2G-1A (all SH) in 2 games versus the Ducks right before the Olympics break, gotten the deal done on a Whitney-Noke package? Ryan Whitney is what he is (lower skill∴lower salary), but it is a travesty that we missed out on an opportunity like the aforementioned Finn who would have been a need-filler, a cap relief, and a potential piece of the future.

Alas, here we are. The Captain remains on the sinking ship, which seems like just punishment. Thank goodness Steady Steve got hauled aboard another vessel, albeit that of a hated rival. For so long Staios was a trusty defender with true grit to spare and he's been given a chance to make a go of it in Cowtown. It'll be hard, damn hard, to deal with that flaming C on his chest over the next season and a quarter, but he's still overpaid and a step-and-a-half behind. I, for one, will cheer just as hard when one of our young bucks lines the fucker up for a hit, assuming he doesn't do it first.

With the deadline past, it'll be a season of casting calls and tryouts. A litter of unfamiliar jerseys skating uphill and looking every bit the non-NHLers they are, but at least it's something. We no longer have to cheer for the Oil to lose, we're going to be bad no matter what (though some of us may have been ahead of the curve in accepting this). The Blue & Orange will get throttled nightly, but Gagner will likely turn it on harder than he ever has (latter-half player, RFA year) and there's sure to be some pleasant surprises as players jostle for pecking order heading into the offseason.

Maybe after we soldier through this long-term rebuild, the Oil will be the ones hip-tossing Sasquatch... Proverbially-speaking, of course.

History in the Making

2010-02-27T11:07:00.008-07:00

On August 24, 1814, we marched on the United States capitol and burned it to the ground.

On February 21, 2010, the USA beat us 5 - 3 in round-robin play.

Now it's time for the rubber match. GÔ Canada!

So many choices, so little time...

2010-02-17T16:30:00.007-07:00

Item: Oilers goalie Nikolai Khabibulin arrested on suspicion of drunk driving.

Blog Post Option #1: In Soviet Russia, Ferrari drives you drunk.

Blog Post Option #2: "No no, officer, my back, it spasmed and my foot hit gas pedal involuntarily. Here is note from team doctor."

Blog Post Option #3: Any chance the Oilers have a morality clause in their player contracts?

Blog Post Option #4: Ed Belfour 2, Nikolai Khabibulin 1. And I'm not talking cup rings.

Blog Post Option #5: DUIs aside, what in god's name is Khabibulin doing in Arizona? He knows the Jets traded him, right?

Blog Post Option #6: No word yet on if he called the arresting officer "Sugar Tits", and if so, how much he looked like Robbie Shremp.

Oil look to end skid against Wild

2010-02-04T10:37:00.008-07:00

The following TSN article has been translated for fans supporting the tank. --Ed.

MINNESOTA - A few days ago, the Edmonton Oilers thought they drew the perfect opponent to begin their critical five-game road trip in the Minnesota Wild. However, with Edmonton suddenly playing well and Minnesota facing some issues in net, that could no longer be the case.

Hoping to maintain their top spot in the First Overall Draft Pick race this evening at Xcel Energy Center, the Oilers play the Wild, who have lost 11 straight at Minnesota but are on their longest winning skid in two months.

With the Olympic break looming, the Oil take to the road tonight last in the league with 42 points, three points ahead of the Carolina Hurricanes for the best chance at the First Overall Pick. Edmonton hopes to make it an even tighter race with this away game, as the club is 0-9-2 in its last eleven at Xcel Energy Center and 7-15-2 on the road, compared to 11-16-4 as the host.

The Oilers will also just be glad to be out of Rexall Place. Edmonton took a 1-0 decision there from the Flyers on Wednesday for its 2nd straight setback at home, ending the team's streak of 13 straight losses.

Ryan Potulny scored the game's only goal while on the power play with 16.1 seconds left in regulation. The dismayed forward blamed the team's work ethic, "I think hard work maybe creates a little luck. We worked hard [Wednesday]... and had a little luck maybe."

Guillaume Latendresse and Andrew Brunette tallied for the Wild in a 4-2 loss to Dallas on Tuesday. The Wild have lost two straight but haven't dropped a test at home in regulation since January 2.

Minnesota saw its string of 234 straight games started in net by either Niklas Backstrom or Josh Harding end on Tuesday, as Wade Dubielewicz made 14 saves in his first NHL action since March 13, 2009. Dubielewicz was recalled from the AHL because Backstrom has missed four straight games with a back injury and now illness, while Harding has a hip injury.

"I felt fine. It's just one of those tough games where there's not much rubber and you can't make a mistake," Dubielewicz bragged. "I just wasn't good enough."

Neither Backstrom or Harding were able to practice on Wednesday, meaning Dubielewicz could get his first career start versus the Oilers tonight.

Struggling Oilers' goaltender Jeff Deslauriers, who was also in goal for Monday's win over Carolina that halted Edmonton's streak, made 33 saves for his second shutout of the season and first since November 23. The Oilers remain, as Deslauriers lost his only career start versus the Wild on December 23, a 3-1 loss in Minnesota in which he stopped 24-of-26 shots.

Edmonton won for just the third time in its last 23 games, but is now on its longest winning skid since a season-long five-game run from December 3-11. The Oilers will now try to continue a seven-game road losing streak tonight. They haven't won on the road since December 11.

The Oilers did notch a 5-2 home win over the Wild on October 16 in the first meeting of the season between the teams, but has still lost six of the last nine meetings in the series overall.

Brave New World

2010-01-28T12:29:00.011-07:00

I'm finding that it has become gauche to discuss the current Edmonton Oilers team in polite company. I was at the game last Friday against Dallas, and after the Stars scored the game-winner with 20 seconds left, the reaction in the building wasn't one of anger, or even frustration. It was more like a collective "Hmm, I guess that's how they're going to screw this one up." Very matter-of-fact. A few minutes later, a chant of "Tay-lor-Hall. Tay-lor-Hall" could be heard drifting up from the LRT station.

This town has pretty much lost interest in the present, and is already looking towards the future. And, just like the rest of Oil country, I find myself looking forward to the summer. But I'm not even talking about this summer. Truth is, I'm already expecting next season to be a wash, as the Oilers start their rebuild. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure next year will be a lot more fun for the fans, as we watch Eberle and Hall. I'm pretty sure it will be more fun for Sam Gagner too, as he quietly snickers to himself every time he passes one of the rookies getting yelled at in Pat Quinn's office for their inevitable mistakes. But on-ice success? It seems unlikely to me.

So what then will the summer of 2011 hold for the Oilers? Let me take an early crack at guessing. After a record fifth playoff miss, blamed largely on injuries to Khabiboulin and Jagr, the Oilers will kick off the summer on draft day by (shockingly!) keeping it in the family by drafting David Musil in the top 10. Pierre McGuire will not be impressed. July 1st, while droves of teens greedily clutch their well-worn iPads and stand in line for opening day of Transformers 3, the Oilers management team will look to their old friend free agency to fill out the roster. Unfortunately, after Joe Thorton re-upped with the Sharks, the pickings will be a bit slim. The Oilers will pitch Simon Gagne hard, but end up missing out. Instead, they will sign Michael Ryder to a reasonable contract, and spend a bit too much money/term on an injury-prone Tim Connolly. Tyler Dellow will not be impressed.

Georges Laraques, after having retired as a UFA partway through the previous season, is announced as the Oilers new strength and conditioning coach, finally severing all ties between the Oilers and the Moreau family. As training camp rolls around, the media will be openly questioning what will happen to Pat Quinn if the Oilers don't get off to a good start. The Edmonton Sun will run an article, opposite a Terry Jones hit piece on Rexal-brand shaving gel, asking whether a Renney-coached team would mean an end to Horcoff's captaincy, and whether Jordan Eberle is ready to take on that role. Team Blue will win the Joey Moss.

Around the Oilogosphere, Pat McLean will very publicly break things off with Zoe Saldana and triumphantly return to blogging, Lowetide will finally be revealed as actually being a hockey-blogging computer built at MIT in the 70s, and Jason Gregor will draw the ire of just about everyone whith his article that seems to confuse OilersNation.com with an actual nation (based on conversations he's had with player agents and Stu MacGregor). SlowFreshOil will finally be sued by the band of the same name, but the suit will quickly be dropped after it is revealed that the authors have no money and in fact haven't updated the site in over 8 months.

So there you go. I figure that after all that craziness, and patience from the fans, the Oilers will start the 2011-2012 season as a hands-down consensus pick for 6th - 10th in the West. I can't wait.

Oilers Liveblog. Game 46. Vs. PIT.

2010-01-14T22:16:00.009-07:00

I've heard the whispering among you, fair readers. I hear the murmurs. "What's with jesse r? It's been like a month and a half since his last post. And even longer if you're counting posts that have anything at all to do with the Oilers. What is that guy, some kind of bandwagon Oilers blogger?" Now I will admit that I've been somewhat neglecting this blog. But in my defence, I've been busy at work lately. Plus I got Dragon Age: Origins. Plus the Oilers are terrible and I hate them.

I don't hate them. I regret saying that immediately. Anyways, dear reader, I've heard your calls, and to prove that I haven't lost my Oilogosphere chops, tonight I will participate in a hockey blogging ritual older than Lowetide himself. The 'Liveblog'.

******

7:20 - 3-0 Leafs? I better not miss any of the first period because this game goes late. Wait. "Lemon of Troy" rerun on Fox. Never mind. All is well. "Rocky V. That was the fifth one!"

7:35 - Leafs game still on. I wonder how much they're going to play Neil Peart's HNIC theme tonight. Maybe I'l just watch the beginning of the new 30 Rock on the eastern timezone NBC for now. Nice Tron joke, Tina Fey.

7:55 - Missed the opening faceoff. Horcoff out? Does that mean that the Penguins have the 4 best centres in the game tonight? Nice save by Dubnyk midway through first. The game is kind of boring so far, though. Pens outshooting Oilers 3-1. Crosby!

8:10 - Switched to Leno to see what he had to say about the Tonight Show debacle. Didn't make that many jokes about it. Still plenty of edge, though. Take that Denny's and Maury Povich. And you can laugh all you want Kevin Eubanks, but wasn't destroying 'Local 4 News' enough for you? Now you've got to go after Conan, Jimmy and Carson too with your evil plans? Oh good: still scoreless in the game. Doesn't look like I missed much.

8:20 - First Period Over. Oilers turned the tide on the shot clock, apparently. I should pay closer attention in the second, I guess. Oh well, in the meantime, I'm just going to switch to TLC and get my 'BBQ Pitmasters' on. I don't know who you are, Harry Soo, but I would not want to mess with your pit.

8:30 - Scratch that. Found 'The Nature of Things' on CBC. It's about crows. Are you seeing this? The 'apes of the bird world'? The 'Apes' of the 'Bird world'? That is the single most terrifying phrase I've heard so far this year.

8:45 - Alright! The Oilers open the scoring! I missed the start of the second period and the goal, but I see from the internet that it was Cogs. Fleury better hope he doesn't get put in against Team Italy at the Olympics. The internet also says that Nilsson already has 10:15 TOI with 16:06 left in the 2nd? That doesn't seem like it's right. Also, do you think the younger 'A&W employee' from the A&W commercial is secretly the illegitimate son of the older 'A&W employee'?

8:55 - Visnovsky scores on the PP. And I was watching this time. Well, I was in the other room folding laundry, but still. I heard the goal. And I saw the replay. That counts.

9:10 - Jack Black on Community. He's doing a good job of playing one of his two characters: outrageously-wacky-yet-nimble-guy. His other character: guy-from-Mars-Attacks! I flipped back to game during commercial. Fleury losing his mind on Row-bear for some reason. I should flip back more often.

9:40 - Third period is underway. Now it's Conan's turn. "If NBC doesn't want people to see me, just leave me on NBC." Zing. Oh, also tie game.

9:50 - Oilers now down 3-2 on a goal by Dupuis. It's a real shame. But on the bright side...Will Arnett on Parks & Rec! I mean come on. What is this? Sweeps? Ron Swanson is maybe the best character on TV. I do wish Arnett had more scenes with Aziz Ansari, though. They have such good chemistry.

10:10 - Man, what a bloodbath. How did this even happen? CSI, you still know how to tickle my mystery bone, even with Lawrence Fishburn calling the shots. Oh, and the third period is over. Oilers lose.

10:15 - So that's it. I hope I proved to you all that I'm not some johnny-come-lately Oilers blogger who loses interest at the first sign of trouble. That I stick with this team, thick or thin. I mean come on, I missed all my favorite shows tonight, and all I got in exchange was another brutal loss. Gotta go, though. I'm missing John Stewart right now.

Rhyme Time!

2010-01-12T13:56:00.004-07:00

The Dive for Five
The Fall for Hall
The Tank for Taylor
Lose it All to Choose T. Hall
Beggin' for Seguin
Get Fouler for Fowler
Taking the Shaft for a High Draft
---By any name it's been hard to take, but our plummet through the standings has been so decisive it almost looks orchestrated. Mini-camp all you want, this team is a few quality parts (Penner, Visnovsky, Gagner) held together by a rickety substructure (Souray, Smid, Cogliano) and straight up defective elements (Moreau, Staios, Khabibulin, etc etc etc). Sure enough it will crumble even further than it has and it will be the Organization's mandate to rebuild it with new, untested parts (Eberle, MPS, 2010 first rounder) intended to make us better.

I got a freebie to the game tonight and I have a feeling this season might break my personal record for games attended. I've never been to more than a handful in a year and never have I been to two games so close together. Word on the blog threads is that people are already having trouble giving tickets away. Gratis. Without charge... For FREE, people!

It's a good sign. The fans, accused of being mindless supporters, are actually voting with their dollar and keeping their cherished meat out of the seats. Think Katz will get the message? Maybe I should bring an effigy of Lowe to burn tonight, just in case.

Sigh... Goilers.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's goods

2010-01-07T12:11:00.012-07:00

And just for the hell of it... Brodziak showing off his short game:

Actually had a beaut of an assist later.

Nothing really upsetting about these plays, they're all pretty flukey. What is nice is they all contributed to wins against division rivals without compromising our lottery position (which is getting more certain game to game).

Also Dougie's reaction on the reverse angle of the Schremp goal makes me smile.

With Apologies to Pat McLean

2010-01-02T14:30:00.000-07:00

The holidays brought me my first Oilers jersey. Oh sure, I've had plenty of t-shirts and hats and what have you over my lifetime. Indeed, I've owned a variety of garments emblazoned with the crest, wearing them proudly to social gatherings and family functions and court dates. But never a jersey.

I was never of great means, but there came a day when Papa Fierce asked me if I wanted a hockey jersey. I was 5 going on 6 and the Oilers had just put away their fifth Cup run in seven seasons, so of course I said yes. Yet it wasn't the blue and orange sweater I wanted, oh no dear readers. I pulled on the teal and black of the newly founded San Jose Sharks with joy, maybe even glee. I look back on my choice with exasperation, but the logic was sound: they were new; they were sharks. The greatness of my hometown team was lost on my hyperactive little brain, but the sheer awesomeness of a shark? That was easily identifiable.

I wore it to school and was mocked. The children of a sleepy Edmonton suburb saw only an allegiance to a new, weak enemy: some expansion team in California. My father was never a sports man and it was up to me to figure it all out for myself. I knew that I loved the Oilers, but they had been around my whole life! What was wrong with me rooting for the New Awesome Sharks from Wherever?

So I continued to wear the treasonous teal, even as I grinned up at Esa Tikkanen during that year's Carnival of Champions. The huge Fin took one look at my jersey and laughed cruelly as he pummeled me with his ham-hock fists... Okay, well maybe he just made light of it causing me to retreat behind my dad's leg, fighting tears and the demons inside. Why wasn't I allowed to like the Oilers and wear a different jersey? If they were the Edmonton Sharks everything could have worked out, alas Oilers they remained. Ultimately, Tikkanen went teddy bear and coaxed me back out to snap a Polaroid and sign a card or two. Then I slipped on a Carnival of Champions t-shirt that slowly filled with Oilers (and Eskimos) signatures and by the time I sat arm-in-arm around Stanley with Craig MacTavish, all brown curly 'fro just like on the tee-vee, the Sharks jersey was but a rag in my eyes. The hint of teal under my collar had been burned into the emulsion and my maturing mind for years.

Then this Christmas, my significant other slid a certain blue and orange sweater under the tree. Passed over once already, it was worn proudly to my first Battle of Alberta (another gift) where I got nice and drunk and belligerent. I hollered until my throat was raw, invulnerable behind the shield affixed to my chest.

---
Seems these days a Sharks jersey might garner a bit more respect in pro hockey circles than the ol' Oildrop, but maybe that's the way I always wanted it. I donned my first jersey in what could prove to be the worst downswing in team history. When, not if, the Oilers fail to qualify for the coming playoffs, they will have missed the boat for the fourth year straight. The last time this happened has been widely considered the worst era of Oiler Hockey thus far. Let's just have a cursory glance at the numbers...

From their inaugural NHL season the Oilers went 13 straight years without missing the playoffs, winning the dynastic Five-In-Seven in the process. In April 1993, the team would spend its first postseason on the links, a slump that would last another three seasons.

Once this year's funeral procession pulls to the curb, the Oilers will have matched the 0-for-4 streak, completing a Bizarro Dynasty: Five Seasons Out of the Playoffs in Seven. And me no thought four seasons crooked was good.

Last night's game versus the Sharks marked the first game of the second half of the Oilers' season. We got steamrolled, looking every bit like the Worst in the West playing the Best in the West and setting a grim tone for the games left to play. I tried to be interested in the game, but my attention waned by the time Marleau scored. The radio was turned off, a joint was rolled, and the night was (better) spent with friends, laughing, bullshitting, and filling a new decade up with wild hopes and ambitious schemes.

I have a weird feeling that Oilers management may be doing the same.

With our last two first rounders going batshit in the WJC, Lowe & Co. must be simply salivating at the prospect of a high pick. To clarify, that's the prospect of a high pick, not the prospect from a high pick. This trade deadline should be a measured culling of under-preforming vets and overpriced contracts, but if K-Lo approaches March 3rd with a lottery pick in hand, lord knows what could go down. This year's misery should mean another high-calibre addition to our prospect pool, though we could see it turn into a middling NHLer and cap space for whatever snipe we'll be hunting this offseason.

Still that's an unfounded fear that we have plenty of time to be fret over later this year. For now, we Oilers fans can take pleasure in the poetry of Eberle on ice, the promise shown by former disappointments (DP & Creme Brule), and the possibility that Pat Quinn will storm into upper management and heave the dummies out with his old man strength.

Or are those just wild hopes?

---
Man Games Lost to Injury Watch: 237

Blood In The Water

2009-11-26T16:44:00.009-07:00

Just when you thought it was safe to be an Oilers fan...

via three frames

With everyone's favourite non-Oiler in town, one look at our bloodied roster should have us preparing for a feeding frenzy. The Sharks of San Jose will be out for retribution after an embarrassing 7-2 loss to their closest competition for the Presidents' and the top spot in the West. What's worse is the aforementioned Heater will be riding a wave of 19 points in 18 games into Rexall.

Assuming they make it out of Friday's game alive, the Oil will be marched out to the plane and shipped West for another run at the Canucks, kicking off a six-game road trip. The last trip didn't go so well (4 points out of a possible 10) and this one could be even worse. Starting with a back-to-back likely means DD will be starting in Vancouver, so we'll be essentially icing a squad that's half-Falcon at GM Place.

Man Games Lost to Injury Watch: 146
With Hemsky out and awaiting an MRI, multiple players on day-to-day, and no timeline for the return of Comrie, Grebs, or Pisani, I'm prepared for this number to rise steadily over the next month. Clearly that does not bode well for our chances over the mid-season stretch, but hey at least we'll have the Olympic break to rest up. It's not like we'll be sending any players to Vancouver then.

Matt Dillon and Brian Burke: Like Two Peas in a Pod

2009-11-25T11:27:00.010-07:00

Do you remember the movie Crash a few years back? Not the Cronenberg one, but the one by Paul Haggis? Damn fine movie. Near the beginning, we meet Matt Dillon's character, a cop in the LAPD, and we learn that he is not a guy to like. He's an abrasive, unfriendly, racist, sexually-assaulting-Terrence-Howard's-wife kind of a guy. His actions, and his prejudices, are inexcusable.

Later on in the movie, after we've gotten our fill of Brendan Fraser and Ludacris, we learn that Dillon's character actually has some depth to him, and he's not just the monster we're supposed to paint him as based on the scenes earlier on. While his actions on the job are despicable, he spends his time off-duty caring for his dad, who is very ill, and whose business has been very hurt over the years (or at least it has in Dillon's eyes) by affirmative action.

The point was, I think, that even though it's easy to condemn people for the stupid, ignorant things they say and do, we need to remember that there's usually more than meets the eye. I haven't seen Revenge of the Fallen, but I assume you come away with a similar lesson from that movie.

Which brings me to Brian Burke...

He's a moron, first of all. But I do have to give him a glove-tap for his comments to John Buccigross about his son (via Mirtle). It's a bit of a sad statement that having someone stand by and support their child can make you dramatically reexamine your own view of them, but I'm honestly not sure if that's more a reflection on how I see Brian Burke, or on the out-of-step attitudes we can usually find in professional sports.

Either way, Burke is slowly shifting in my mind from Matt Dillon at the beginning of Crash to Matt Dillon near the end of Crash. Next step: Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary. As much as I still dislike the man, I do truly believe he could rock a fine leisure suit.

The Kissing Disease

2009-11-20T11:01:00.005-07:00

News has spread like... well, mono that one Mr. Michael Comrie is out indefinitely with mononucleosis. The poor guy should only be knocked out for a couple weeks, but it's another unfortunate visit from the injury bug in an already busy year for the Oilers medical staff. The Organization is saying 122 Man Games Lost to Injury after 22 games, while James Mirtle (the only person who seems to compile these stats) has us listed at 105 MGLtI after 21 games. It's a bit odd for the numbers to not line up, so let's just take them in a min-max scenario.

Projecting from these numbers, we can approximate losing 410 to 455 games to the injury bug this year. How does this compare to the past few seasons? Now, I've been unable to track down the actual MGLtI for the Oil last year, so I'm going to have to go off of the projected numbers (once again, via Mirtle).

2005-06: 134 MGLtI
2006-07: 286 MGLtI
2007-08: 340 MGLtI
2008-09: 241 MGLtI*
*(projected on March 18, 2009)
Clearly the Oilers are outpacing themselves but, considering the law of averages, one must believe that our injuries will tail off towards the end of the season. Or will they?

As we can see in Mirtle's chart, teams like Philly and St. Louis still handily made the playoffs despite posting high MGLtI numbers in 2008-09. This doesn't mean that they lost less important players or that their injuries were less severe, the clubs simply had the depth and experience to handle the losses. Leaving us with the excruciating reality of the unbalanced Peewee team the Oilers front office calls an NHL-caliber squad. Maybe it's just me, but icing an undersized, inexperienced team with lack of depth seems to be the perfect recipe for an injury-dominated season.

While this early black-and-blue streak is bringing out the doomsayers in all of us, I think there still has to be some glimmer of hope. If the boys do get healed up and provide some artillery support for our outstanding first line, we could still be in fair shape come April. Unfortunately, without a major depth move before the deadline, Tambellini & Co. are not giving this team a fair shake. As gritty and determined as he is, the Red Ox cannot do it all alone.

Rexall Begins

2009-11-16T11:27:00.021-07:00

Through our various connections in the film and television industry, Slow Fresh Oil is occasionally able to get our hands on inside information and other pieces of Hollywood gossip. It's pretty rare that these insider tips have any relevance at all to what we do, but when it does, we're always glad to pass it along to the Oilogosphere. So with that in mind, below we have an excerpt from a Darryl Katz biopic that was apparently abandoned in the early stages of production after its financing was pulled. Slow Fresh Oil is not sure of the movie's current status or if there are any plans to resume filming at any point in the future.

Stately Katz Manor

EXT. KATZ MANOR - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

Katz Manor sits perched upon its riverbank vantage, looking down on the river below. Moonlight shines onto dark clouds in the sky.

FADE IN:
INT. STUDY - NIGHT

The study is adorned with fine furniture and expensive-looking artifacts. Among them is a wooden bust that appears to be of Mark Messier. Near the entrance is an intercom system. A window along one wall looks out into the night. A fireplace burns along the adjacent wall. DARRYL is seated in a modern leather chair, reading the newspaper. He is dressed in slacks and shirt, with a tie draped over the back of the chair. Next to him, on a side table, is a conspicuous red phone, placed under a circular glass case.

Darryl peers over the top of his newspaper towards the window. Noticing something, he stands up and we follow him over to the window.

INSERT - EXT. CLOUDS

Outside, against the clouds, is a large, oil-drop shaped spotlight being shone from somewhere in the city's distance.

BACK TO SCENE

The phone RINGS.

Darryl quickly strides over to the phone, removes the glass case, and picks up the receiver.

DARRYL

Commissioner Bettman. What can I do for you this evening?
(pause)
Yeah, I just saw it. What seems to be the trouble this time? Is it that Penguin again? I thought that we had already dealt with him and that he would be staying retired for good this time.
(pause)
Who then? Kings? Sabers? Lighting? Whoever it is, just say the word and I'll take care of them for you.
(pause)
Look, Bettman, just come out with it.
(pause)
You mean...that two faced lawyer-turned-evil? My god. Alright, I'm on it. You just make sure that if things get ugly, there aren't any innocent fans around to get hurt. Goodbye.

Darryl hangs up the phone. He walks over to the intercom, and presses a button. On the other end, we hear the squeaky voice of KEVIN.

KEVIN
What is it, Darryl?

DARRYL
Kevin, get up. We've got work to do. It's Burke. He's out of control.

KEVIN
Holy overreaction, Darryl. Why should we care about what that guy says or thinks anyways?

DARRYL
Because, Kevin, it's not up to us to decide when we're needed. Because there are hockey fans out there in trouble. Because he's the GM Toronto deserves, but not the one it needs right now. Either you're in or you're out. I'm leaving in five minutes. Tonight, I think we'll take the plane.

Darryl releases the intercom button and walks over to the wooden bust. He lifts its head to reveal a large red button. He presses the button, and the fireplace slides away to reveal a pair of fireman's poles. Darryl walks over, grabs the pole on the right, and slides out of the scene.

FADE OUT

Popping Collars and Mustachioed Men: A Blog Post

2009-11-06T17:01:00.004-07:00

In the fourteen days since my last post, the Oil got worked up and down the ice in three straight divisional tilts, eked out a shootout they had no business going to, and then got trounced by three teams out of the East. In seven games we've been shutout three times and outscored by a margin of 14 goals. Compared to this time last year, we're in a very similar place:

November 6, 2008: 6-6-1, 34 GF/36 GA
November 6, 2009: 7-8-1, 47 GF/50 GA

While our offense has increased, our defense has become even less competent. The rest of the NHL has been treating us like a medieval surgery patient and the routine bloodletting hasn't yet shown signs of stopping. We simply cannot blame Nikolai, because any casual observer can see our ragtag band of lost boys is just not made up of "actual" NHL players.

If they were, they'd be inoculated well in advance of the unwashed masses.

But isn't that's what being a blue collar team all about? Suffering like the peasantry, ravaged by swine flu, while the bourgeois stroll into private clinics and have their families saved. Oh, the sweet succulence of moral highground. We may not be a ~~high-priced~~ team loaded with talent, but we're blue collar. We're crash and bang and bust your ass up the ice and hustle even harder back down. We don't take shit, but we dole it out by the ladleful. We look to our blue collar players with their blue collar six- to seven-figure salaries and say, "Why, you fellas are just like us." Gritty, respectable folk with mortgages and kids and drinking problems and septic tanks to replace. Folks that wait in line for their vaccines.

Look, if you haven't caught on, I'll pry my tongue out of my cheek and just say it: let's have a moratorium on the term blue collar, shall we? At least in reference to professional atheletes who are anything but.

Unfortunately, the Oilers are missing players to which the descriptor usually applies and they are paying the price. Quinn's "banger on every line, with extra jam and crust" strategy has fallen apart due to injuries that have stretched on so long, we're beginning to wonder if the concept was even working in the first place.

Meanwhile, we've got a five-game road trip against some tough customers coming up. Word from Quinn on the team site is that Shelly, Horc, and Smid will board the plane, though only Laddy will likely see any action. This leaves us as sparse as we've been in October, but maybe with a couple guys back we can steal a few on the road. Ideally, the other two will get their feet under them for the subsequent home stand and we can finally ice a (nearly) completely healthy roster.

That is, of course, if Brule doesn't pull something trying to take part in Movember:

That barely haired upper lip is a Perv 'Stache waiting to happen (or as we call it: the Crosby).

While there is sure to be plenty of impressive soup strainers on the squad by the end of the month, my early favourites are the future of our blueline:

Chorney's Push Broom is an instant classic and only further warms him to my already fluttering heart. Still, Peckham's has a certain je ne sais quoi that makes me wish we hadn't sent him down...

Ah oui, but of course.

Obligatory Lowetide Impression

2009-11-04T15:00:00.005-07:00

He looked more like our fathers, not a goalie, player, athlete period. Smoke, half ash, stuck in that permanent smirk, tugging jersey around the beergut, "I'm strictly a whiskey man" was one of the sticks he taped up and gave to a nation of pudgy boys in beverage rooms. Favourites from Plimpton's list of objects thrown by Rangers fans: soup cans, a persimmon, eggs, a folding chair and a dead rabbit. The nervous breakdown of '68-'69 after pant-crap flights from LA, the expansion, "the shrink told me to change occupations. I had to forget it." He swore he was never afraid of the puck. We believe him. If anyone asks, the inscription should read, "My face was my mask."
- Elegy for Gump Worsley by The Weakerthans

This is Lorne "Gump" Worsley, taking those Weakerthan lyrics a bit too seriously, in a photo that was clearly taken some time in the later half of the 1960s. Gump, so named apparently because of his resemblance to Andy from The Gumps, played in goal for the Edmonton Flyers for part of a season in 1952-53, more than a decade after my own grandfather spent a couple of seasons doing the same thing. That year he was called up to the big club in New York, where he would spend most of the next decade plying his trade. That year he was also apparently part of the Hakoah de Montréal soccer team that made it to the Canadian Championship. Based on what I've seen and read about him, it sounds like the Weakerthans are right: there's no way Gump was ever afraid of the puck. With all the talk lately about 50 years of goalie masks in the NHL, I wish we would hear more about the men who said no. The men who felt that there were some things more important than avoiding pain and personal injury. The men like Gump Worsley.

Gump played his last game in the NHL more than 10 years before I was born, and played his last home game on Broadway before The Beatles had had their first number 1 hit. Since then, the Rangers have had some nice goalies, including the man who took over for Gump in New York, who everyone seems to be talking about these days. Continuing the tradition in net for the Rangers today is Henrik Lundqvist, who's off to another nice start this year (.918). Goals have been tough to come by for the Oilers lately, and going up agains Lundqvist isn't going to help. I was hoping that the Oilers had weathered the worst of their injury/flu-bug troubles, but with word Wednesday that Horcoff is out, and Hemsky may not be far behind, it looks like things are going from bad to worse. The Oilers have a couple of surprise players so far this season in Minard and Linglet putting up runs in AAA (7th and 3rd in AHL scoring respectively), but I'm not holding my breath that there are any answers in Springfield.

I don't want to sound too pessimistic, but if you've got tickets to the game, you might want to consider picking up a persimmon or two on the way to the rink.

Hey Laddy, Can You Pass Me That Water Bottle When You're Done...Errr, Nevermind

2009-10-28T21:47:00.007-06:00

"Outside of a fever for a day-and-a-half, I felt better on the game day (Oct. 22 against Columbus) so I tried to skate in the morning and I felt good enough to play so I played."

- Ladislav Smid

Let this be a lesson to the rest of you lazy bones: H1N1 is no excuse for missing work. So drag yourself out of bed, try to keep some liquids down if you can, and get down to whatever it is you do for a living (ending your team's scoreless streak at 7 periods, for example). And if you get a chance, swing by the big lineup outside the health centre on the way to the office, and let 'em know that #5 says what they really need is a vaccine for people overreacting.

From the plains of Cimmeria, he rides.

2009-10-23T11:47:00.006-06:00

Stronger than ten men! Able to cleave a great serpent in two with a single stroke of his axe! He fears no man, yet all should fear him! The Unconquerable! The Brave! The Mighty Cimmerian!

Penner the Barbarian!

Here's hoping the big man puts up another multi-pointer tonight against the Flamers. If he can't get it done, we should at least have the pleasure of watching a fourth line made up of SMac, Strud, and Storts bash in some skulls.

Goilers.

Experience

2009-10-20T11:09:00.006-06:00

Experience is a funny thing. It can teach us a lot of important lessons. Like how you should probably skip the fish fillet with cream sauce at that all-you-can-eat buffet. Or how sometimes, instead of asking someone why they think that a $12/hour job at a third-rate "bar" and a right cheek full of needle marks gives them any right to tell you how to dress, it's better to just take off the damned baseball cap. Sometimes.

The thing about experience, though, is that you can't fake it. You can usually get by without it for a little while, and if you're lucky and you find yourself in the right situation (like sitting in a stool next to a guy with a well-worn 49ers cap), you can sometimes get it without it costing you too much. But you can't fake it.

Take Mr. Smid. This year, everyone's favorite asset finds himself in the somewhat unusual position of being a 23 year old NHL defenceman with over 200 games of experience under his belt. We were there, so we all saw that getting to this point for Laddy wasn't exactly cost-free for the Oilers. But now, unless we're seeing a "MA Bergeron Actually Looks Good Right Now, Do You Think It Has Anything To Do With Being Paired With Pronger" style mirage, it's looking like number 5 may have turned that development corner. And it's a good thing, too, because right now the Oilers D is finding it's self just a little short on experience. Here are the career NHL games played for last night's D:

Visnovski - 557
Strudwick - 556
Smid - 210
Gilbert - 184
Grebeshkov - 184
Chorney - 6

That's an average of 283 games per player. Meanwhile, we've got Staios (842 GP) out with a concussion, and Souray (616 GP) out with a concussion, a broken heart, and a bad case of helmet-crotch. Between the two of them they have 46 percent of all the NHL experience in the Oilers top 8.

So far, Chorney has looked good (he was even with 14:34 TOI last night) and the Oilers keep winning despite being out-chanced, but you have to figure that it can't last forever. If Edmonton doesn't get some of that experience back on the blue, Chorney's on-the-job training will inevitably hit a rough patch, and Grebeshkov's turnovers will keep piling up. And just like with the fish fillet, we'll be learning our lessons the hard way.

Gameday: Canucks v Oilers (Round One... Fight!)

2009-10-19T11:40:00.007-06:00

The 'Nucks are in town and word around the Northwest Division is that it is on. They're missing Sami Salo, we're missing Shelly. They're missing Daniel Sedin, we're missing Ales Hemsky¹. So both teams are out their top D-man and their top goal scorer--

Wait. What? Hemmer isn't our top scorer? Well then who is?

Dustin. Penner.

Who woulda thunk it? I'll tell ya who thunk it. Nobody thunk it! Not one person thunk that DP would be our top scorer this year, least of all any schmuck at this blog.

But lo and behold, there he is: tied for 5th in the league in goals (neck-and-neck with certain people).

Speaking of surprising point-getters, one Mr. Comrie is looking like a terrific acquisition. Of more concern is that he finally trotted out his arm candy at RX1.

While The Duff seems genuinely pleased for her beau, one cannot help but notice that glint of hardened steel in her tastefully shadowed eyes. What the picture doesn't show is that gaze is leveled at Khabibulin's wife. I'd keep my head up if I were you, devochka, you are on thin ice around these parts.

On the topic of soft er... hands, Comrie's former teammate Georges Laraque is in a bit of trouble himself since the internet was set aflame by this little video:

Oh, Georges. I'm sure the big man had some inkling of what the makers of Octane 7.0 were going to do with the footage of him making an ass of himself amidst scantily-clad Sexoteque employees, but I doubt the poor guy knew he was going to get edited into a Satisfaction/Call On Me ripoff. He released a statement saying as much and, nearly a week later, it seems the world's most terrifying vegan is going to get off with a bit of "Aw shucks" and a tsk-tsk from NHLHQ (as he should, the money went to charity for goodness sake).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we have to push the curves of the Octane Girls out of our minds and focus on the hard edge necessary to steal our second divisional win from the claws of Lulu & Company. Here's hoping the injury bug is biting them harder than us.

¹Apparently Staios is out with the same flu bug. Wuh-oh.

Size matters.

2009-10-10T20:01:00.003-06:00

6' 0.66999996" ¹>6' 0.33" ²

¹Average height of Edmonton forwards.
²Average height of Montreal forwards.

In Soviet Russia, goal scores you.

2009-10-05T11:46:00.005-06:00

I Promised Mess I Wouldn't Do This...

2009-09-29T12:13:00.006-06:00

It's always a sad day when the most talented hockey player to ever live leaves town. And now we've experienced it twice here in Edmonton.

Sail on, Robbie Schremp. Sail on by.

Billionaire Boys Club

2009-09-21T11:18:00.008-06:00

As many of you know, the NFL season is in full swing. What does this mean for Oilers fans? Very little, except that Slow Fresh Oil was lucky enough to be the fly on the largest high definition screen in the world last night when a pair of billionaires mused over franchise ownership, new venues, and being rich as balls.

Arlington, Texas.
00:25 hours. September 21, 2009.

Jerry Jones and Daryl Katz lounge among the litter-strewn seats of Cowboys Stadium. They rest their feet on the seats in front of them and, at regular intervals, they pass what appears to be a cigar back and forth. The pungent smoke of Acapulco Gold wafts up towards the rafters as they talk quietly to one another. The following is a transcript of their conversation.

JJ: (inhales sharply as he passes the dutchy 'pon the left hand side)
DK: (accepts the blunt and looks admiringly at Jones) How did you do it, Jerry?
JJ: (while holding breath) I get Roy Williams to roll them for me. (exhales through nose and mouth, coughing violently)
DK: (also coughing violently)
JJ: (coughing)
DK: (coughing)
JJ: (coughing subsides, wipes tears from bloodshot eyes)
DK: (coughing subsides) No, no, I mean how did you manage to build this... This palace? (Katz motions to the enormous stadium)
JJ: 'This dump,' y'mean.
DK: (balks)
JJ: Ya seriously like this place? Hot damn, Katz, wanna buy it?
DK: (stops being fascinated by fingernails [as a concept]) Wait- what?
JJ: D'ya wanna buy Cowboys Stadium?
DK: But it's brand new!
JJ: Sure, for now. I've already started construction on an even bigger, more state-of-the-art stadium, with room for thousands more seats and innumerable amenities that you didn't even know existed.
DK: Like what?
JJ: Ever had a jet of air blown across the underside of yer coinpurse while you're drainin' the lizard?
DK: Can't say that I have.
JJ: Well, that feature's included in everyone of the in-seat toilets.
DK: In-seat toilets?
JJ: Damn straight, I know how sick people are of missing plays because of their mortal need to expel waste. My new stadium will make that frustration a thing of the past.
DK: Wow. Wow. Do you have any concept art?
JJ: Hell, I've got a Blackberry full of pictures. It's under construction out in orbit.
DK: Orbit?
JJ: Check it. (hands Katz his phone)

DK: That's no moon!
JJ: It's a space-station!
DK: Good Lord, Jerry. You're a madman...
JJ: Am I, Daryl? Am I? I'm funding the construction directly out of the maintenance budget for this hovel. Barring any unexpected wind storms, Cowboys Stadium will stand just long enough for me to finish the new one.
DK: It's like some grand, insane Ponzi scheme.
JJ: And how!
DK: Jeez... You're accomplishing all this... This... Majesty! And here I am, having a hard time replacing a 35-year old concrete eyesore. I'm an embarrassment to billionaires everywhere, Jerry.
JJ: Ya got that right. Those concourses are narrower than Tom Thumb's cornchute! My new stadium has an entire Costco in the concourse. On every level.
DK: Man... (begins to sulk)
JJ: (puffs on the blunt nonchalantly) Cheer up there, Katz. I'll let you in on my foolproof strategy for building enormous monuments to humanity's rampant materialism.
DK: Really?
JJ: (nods genially)
DK: Aw shucks, thanks Jerry! So what's the first step?
JJ: Well, I assume you've already leveraged the media into being your mouthpiece?
DK: Yep.
JJ: Good. Next step is to bide your time until the city elections, then contribute to the campaigns of each candidate. Whoever wins, you're set up to coerce them into publicly supporting your new arena plan.
DK: Easy enough.
JJ: I know, right? Then, all that's left is to bribe enough Councilors to pass public funding of the thing and you're on your way. Just make sure you lowball the initial estimates, so you don't have any immediate public outcries. By the time it's half-built, you've got 'em hogtied into finishing the work at any price.
DK: Whoa. That's it?
JJ: Simple as sweet potato pie, Daryl.
DK: I'm damn near halfway there!
JJ: Good on ya... As long as ya have the balls to finish it.
DK: No worries, Jerry. That city is my bitch!
JJ: Sure is a great feeling, ain't it? HAHAHAHA-
DK: -HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
JJ: -HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
DK: -HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
JJ: -HAHAHAhahahaha-
DK: -hahahaaaa-
JJ: -aaaah. Ha. Ahem.
DK: Whew.
JJ: (hands Katz the blunt)
DK: (takes a long drag)
JJ: You wanna go up to my luxury box and play Halo on the giant HD screen?
DK: Do I ever!

The two billionaires proceeded to race up the stairs, shoving each other playfully as they went. Much p0wnag3 and Master Chief teabagging ensued.

There it is, folks: another startling look behind-the-scenes of Oilers, Inc. brought to you exclusively by Slow Fresh Oil.

Pre-Season Haikus

2009-09-17T12:52:00.006-06:00

Devan Dubnyk and
Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers:
Thirteen feet. No hands?

Horcoff to Comrie:
"Remember when we turned pro?
You were paid more then."

Memo to players:
"DO NOT say anything nice
About Rexall Place."

Steve Tambellini
Jerked awake at night screaming
"Khabibulin's Groin!"

"For the last time, Zack,
Viacheslav and Slava
Are the same person."

Mike Comrie's contract:
No payments 'til Twenty-Twelve
And no money down.

"Ees mighty eagle
Painted on mask, holding masks.
Get it? Ees a joke."

"You can't go in there.
Coach Quinn is having a nap.
Renny says you're cut."

Tomfoolery

2009-08-13T18:29:00.014-06:00

The Mainstream Media has been taking shots at bloggers for years... And frankly, I've come to realize they were right all along. Bloggers are what is wrong with hockey coverage today. We are the terrorists of the sports journalism world.

Sure, certain individuals would have you believe that these MSM attacks are nothing more than sour grapes from a bunch of lazy hypocrites. Or that they're just misguided attempts to turn the clock back to a time when a J-School diploma trumped thoughtful writing and critical thinking. Or that they're nothing more than the last gasps from an industry that is teetering on the precipice of total destruction wrought by its own inertia, and that with every passing day these uninspired salvos from the grotesque rotting corpse that is traditional media outlets do less and less to highlight the very real issues surrounding the new realities of news content delivery, and instead only highlight their ever-growing hubris.

But no I say. It is those of us in the Oilogosphere who should really be looking in the mirror, before we've all been Pleasure Motored into oblivion. We need to start taking the criticisms from reporters more seriously. For example, one of the most common issues with us so-called "bloggers" is that unlike sports journalists, we're not accountable because we don't have to face the people we criticize.

Take, for instance, the latest blog post from anonymous Oilers blogger tommy-g. In the post he has the audacity to slander noted Oilers defenceman Tom Gilbert numerous times, suggesting among other things:

He spends his off-seasons desperately trying to re-capture the glee he felt in 2005 while watching Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers. To quote:

I've been to five weddings this summer but I’m not complaining... It only takes us about 45 minutes to get our dance going and then we’re on the dance floor for the rest of the night. We like to make sure everyone’s having a good time and we’re so good at it.

He doesn't even have the intellectual wherewithal to finish a thrilling read like The Sign by Raymond Khoury. From Owatjee, a poster on what appears to be a militant Lebanese Christian website's forum:

Set against a backdrop of ancient and modern religious conflict, this solid thriller from bestseller Khoury (The Last Templar) explores a number of current planetary preoccupations, from far-right political demagoguery to global warming. While in Antarctica covering the breakup of the continent's ice shelf, TV reporter Grace Logan and her crew are astounded to see a bright, shimmering sphere of light in the sky.

To suggest that Tom Gilbert couldn't or wouldn't get through a book like that is just typical irresponsible blogger drivel.

He is constructing what can only be described as a KAOS-esque world domination HQ in his basement featuring 6 television sets.

He is so full of hate that he openly muses about the failures of his teammates/former roommates:

Everyone is going to be so jealous, especially Sam and Andrew. They’re not going to be able to handle it... I know that after about week [sic] they’re not going to have any idea how to do anything and they’re going to be calling me all the time about how to pay the bills and stuff. They’re just going to be sitting at home, wondering where things went wrong.

Seriously, can you imagine if this 'tommy-g' clown ever had to look Tom Gilbert in the eyes and say those things about him to his face? Never in a million years. So let's all tip our caps to the legitimate reporters of the world, who have the guts to not to ask any of the questions we want the answers to. And glove-tap to tommy-g, who despite being everything that is wrong with bloggers today, is surprisingly literate for a Wisconsin-based writer.

Always judge a player by his cover

2009-08-11T10:17:00.006-06:00

So: Patrick Kane is a felon.

You can throw around words like allegedly, exaggerated, and unconvicted, but we all know that those bruises on Jan Radecki's 60 year old mug came from somewhere. Luckily for the young star, Kane plays in the NHL, where off-ice indiscretions are preferred to be swept under the rug so that the game can continue to "grow" in the American market. This stands in stark contrast to other leagues where off-ice indiscretions are pretty much the only indiscretions that can happen. Bloggers, commenters, and journalists alike have been expounding on the situation since it broke, but Radecki's very intelligent lawyer Andrew Lo Tiempo has already begun the quieting down process, which can only mean one thing...

He's in EA's pocket.

Yes, we're all very familiar with the Madden Curse, but a little Slow Fresh Oil Investigative Journalism© reveals that an NHL Curse has been raging for the better part of the last two decades.

Peter Forsberg
By all accounts, the 97-98 season was another banner year for Foppa. The Swede put up 91 points, helping his team top the Pacific Division and coming in second in overall scoring. Sounds pretty great, right? But how would you feel if you accomplished all that, only to be ousted in the first round of the playoffs by a bunch of punks in copper and blue?

Eric Lindros
Coming off a dominating season (as many coverboys do), Lindros receives a series of concussions that would derail his career and nearly dies.

Chris Pronger
In similar fashion to Forsberg, Pronger has a career year, pulling in the Hart and the Norris, but the Blues are tossed from the postseason by a hapless Sharks squad.

Owen Nolan
Misses over a dozen games for injury and nearly a dozen more for this gem.

Mario Lemieux
After returning from retirement and leading his team to the Eastern Conference Finals in 2000, Super Mario followed that up by only playing 24 games due to his hip falling off and watching his newly-purchased team miss the playoffs for the first time in 12 years.

Jarome Iginla
Truth be told, not an extraordinarly bad year for Iggy, save an injury or two and some lagging production. But isn't playing for the Flames cursed enough?

Dany Heatley
I think we all know how this went.

Markus Naslund
Entire season cancelled due to lockout. Gee thanks, Markus.

Vincent Lecavalier
Nothing major, but Vinny came home from Turin sans-medal and squeaked the Lightning into the playoffs as an 8th seed. They lost out in the first round and watched some jerks levy the 8th seed in the West into a Stanley Cup Finals appearance.

Alexander Ovechkin
This schmo posted a career-low 92 points after appearing on the cover.

Eric Staal
Arrested at his own bachelor party, suffered a decrease in offensive production, and became part of the first team to miss the playoffs twice in a row after winning the Stanley Cup.

Dion Phaneuf
Career low 47 points and the whole having to be a Flame thing.

Patrick Kane
That leaves us with the mouthguard-chewing, cabbie-heisting Kane. If he does stay on the cover, expect to hear very little about the incident until the game is released. EA has as much interest as Kane, the Blackhawks, and the NHL in keeping this potential inferno in a controlled burn. Radecki reacted as anyone would to assault and robbery, and he will likely also react to the hefty settlement as anyone would: silence.

So spread the word! Warn your professional hockey-playing friends! Write your Member of Parliament! To appear on an NHL cover is an act of hubris that will result in the Hockey Gods' terrifying vengeance.

What are the odds?

2009-08-04T11:16:00.006-06:00

Hark, dear readers, and find comfort in my voice, for I have returned from a BDHS-esque road trip down and up the Western states of the Union. Although my vacation lacked the serenity of twilit nights whiled lazily away with my young family in darkest Canada, it made up for it with big city nights, incre dible fo od, California girls, and a jaunt down the PCH whose jagged cliffs, crashing waves, and pubic hair-straightening chicanes will be forever seared into my memory.

Exorbitant wireless rates and long stretches of driving kept me from imbibing Oilers news (or lack thereof) at the pace to which I have been acclimated, resulting in a severe feeling of withdrawal. However, the cold sweats gave way to a certain ease of mind I haven't experienced since our team officially fell out of playoff contention. For the first time in weeks, I didn't wake up thinking about Dany Heatley (thankfully a non-issue), the Bulin Wall (as divisive as ever), or Andrew Cogliano's feelings (unhurt, I assure you). Instead, I relished the rays of the angry sun and let my brain steam in its own juices, dulling the pain with unbelievably cheap beer. Imaginary rosters and swarming microstats evaporated and I loved every minute of it.

Until I got to Vegas.

It was to be the last stop on our trip that carried us through Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, SanFran, LA, San Diego, and LA again. 4 days of further debauchery to cap it all off, before striking out on the remaining 1500 miles that would lead us home. It started off well enough, with me and my compadre indulging in all the LV standards: giant margaritas in plastic skulls, mindless gambling, the Spearmint Rhino, food in ridiculous portions, and total disregard for the daylight hours. Despite all this, the Oilers fan in me urged me to hit a sports book and check out the futures board.

Big mistake.

One look at those odds, the bloated 50 dwarfing that tiny 1, and it all came rushing back. The uncertainty, the gaping roster holes, the vertigo brought on by the sheer face of competition that must be climbed to summit the mountain that is 8th place in the Western Conference. A week and a half of happy ignorance crumbled as the Mole Man of reality rent its surface with some nightmarish drill, powered on the hopes and dreams of Oilers fans and spewing out the black exhaust of our souls.

Sputtering on my Miller Lite, I braced myself against the swoon that pulled at the edges of my consciousness as my eyes stumbled up the list.

Nashville and Minnesota looked smugly down at us with their 40:1s, while Dallas, Colombus, and even Ottawa guffawed together like old chums, comparing the dimensions of their 35:1 chance of grasping Stanley's Mug. It only got worse from there. Three teams I used to circle as easy wins on the schedule (the Blues, the Sabres, and the Panthers) all sat 20 points up on us. Meanwhile, at 20-25:1, two teams with a Cup since the lockout, Carolina and Anaheim, hobnobbed with perennial post-season dropouts, the Habs and Rags. Calgary at 18:1 put a lump in my throat, the Human Rake's Flyers at 15:1 put tears in my eyes, and the Canucks at the same put me over the edge. My sobbing husk, heaped on the floor, was asked by a large man with a brushcut to bet some money or kindly drag itself off the premises.

It did the latter. As much as I wanted to pull myself together, pry a fifty out of my pocket, and drop it on the Boys in Blue and Orange, I just couldn't do it. I'd heard tale of loyal fans doing as much before the 2005-06 season and coming this close to a huge payout. How they bore the disappointment, I'll never know. Fifty bucks may be fifty bucks, but fifty bucks that's one enormous game away from $2500 would be too much for me to take.

Later on, swaddled in the high thread count of my hotel sheets, I reassured myself that I had made the right decision. I put myself through enough as an Oilers fan without having a dollar amount hanging like Damocles' Sword over the season. Odds are meant to be defied, but taunting Lady Luck is a harrowing pastime.

"Just Like Gretzky Used To Do"

2009-07-30T10:55:00.005-06:00

With NFL training camps starting this week, I thought it would be a good idea to re-post this beauty from earlier in the summer courtesy of The Onion. If you missed it, grab your towel and flip-flops, because you're about to enter The Steam Room. And if you saw it when it came out, it's still worth a second look, I'd say. Make sure you catch all the proposed rule changes in the NHL press release. Enjoy.

NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line

Six Terrible Jokes About Saskatchewan

2009-07-13T21:52:00.008-06:00

Originally uploaded by dullhunk

The Oilers announced their pre-season schedule today, and nestled among the 5 other don't-matter-except-that-player-x-proved-me-right-that-he's-horrible/great games is an outing on Sunday, September 21 in beautiful Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. I wouldn't count on much work getting done down at the old wheat pool on Monday (1).

When Garth Snow answered 'Saskatoon, Saskatchewan' to Charles Wang's question about this year's pre-season neutral location, he was immediately fired under suspition of casting incantations (2), and promptly replaced as GM by Dwayne Roloson. Roli quickly cleared things up by drawing Charles a map of the province... Which was easy... Because it's a big trapazoid (3).

The location was chosen because, quote: "We're concerned that Tavares may try to run off at some point during training camp, and this way we'll be able to see him running for days (4)."

So dust off your good overalls (5) and break out the pils (6), 'cause NHL hockey is headed to Saskatchewan.

Go West! This is our destiny!

2009-07-09T14:22:00.008-06:00

So the City of Oklahoma City and the Oilers have been quietly putting together a deal that will see Edmonton's dormant AHL franchise heading to the capital of Texas' Toupée (aka Oklahoma). Big Willis Style confirmed as much, and I've been musing over the move for the past couple days. The whole thing seems to be flowing very smoothly, setting it apart from the herky-jerky Oilers offseason thus far. Naturally, I got suspicious and started doing some hard-nosed investigating. As it turns out, my late night dumpster diving is good for more than just finding furniture and meeting singles!

There I was, thigh-deep in Pat Quinn's soiled Depends, and what did I see nestled between a half-eaten tuna melt and a heap of Dany Heatley Oilers jerseys? A document outlining the names they've been knocking around for the new franchise.

The following is a transcript of what the Slow Fresh Oil: Forensic Unit has been able to decipher amid the tuna splatter and cheesy grease stains:

----------

REXALL SPORTS - AHL FRANCHISE
Meeting Minutes
July 7, 2009

I. Call to order
Chairman Daryl Katz called to order the meeting of AHL Franchise Naming Committee at 13:30 on July 7, 2009 in the Executive Board Room located 20 floors below-- [illegible].

II. Roll call
Kelly Buchburger, Secretary, conducted a roll call. The following people were present:
Daryl Katz, Owner, Grand Poo-bah & All-Around Sweet Dude
Patrick LaForge, President & Chief Executive Officer
Kevin Lowe, Alternate Governor & President of Hockey Operations
...
[illegible, very large glob of tuna]
...
V. New business
i. Naming of the newly approved AHL franchise in Oklahoma City
Mr. Katz discussed importance of living up to the great naming tradition of Oklahoma City sports franchises. Mr. Katz proceeded to praise the rich history and the effective naming/branding efforts of such storied franchises as the Thunder (National Basketball Association), the RedHawks (Pacific Coast League), the Yard Dawgz (Arena Football 2), and the Lightning (Women's Football Alliance). Interrupting, Mr. Lowe asked for confirmation that all of the listed franchises were indeed real and not figments of Mr. Katz's imagination. Secretary Buchburger showed Mr. Lowe the Wikipedia articles for each franchise on his iPod Touch. Mr. Lowe poured himself a neat scotch and downed it rapidly--
...
[illegible, small-to-medium cheese stain, likely a sharp cheddar]
...
List of Suggested Names:

Oil Drops
PROS: Strong link to parent franchise; Strong link to oil industry of target region
CONS: Negative link to plummeting oil prices/struggling economy of target region; Sounds like a Peewee team name

Yard Dawgz
PROS: Strong recognition in target region
CONS: Already used by AF2 team in target region; Stupid name

Gaylordz
PROS: Honours prominent Gaylord family of target region; Ending the name with -z, to quote Mr. Katz, "Totally makes it sound totally extreme..."
CONS: "...Wait. Gay-Lordz. Omigod. No dice, LaForge, you giant queer."
Note: Mr. LaForge insisted that the records show that he is all about the punani. Not that there's anything wrong with...[illegible]

Unabomberz
PROS: Strong recognition in target region; Logo concept complete, see fig. 1.6 [image shows Unabomber police sketch with hastily drawn-on shutter shades]; See second PRO listed under Gaylordz suggestion
CONS: Negative link to the deadliest act of terrorism within the United States prior to the September 11 attacks; Shutter shades are totally out this year

OKC-167s
PROS: Jetpacks are sweet; Star Wars is sweet
CONS: 4 people have read the Arms & Equipment Guide; 4 people!; EVER!
Note: Meeting delayed for approx. 45 minutes to allow for Mr. Katz and Mr. LaForge's debate over the best New Jedi Order novel. It was settled that Dark Tide I: Onslaught is the best novel.

Flaming Lips
PROS: Honours famous band from target region; Possible cross-promotional opportunities
CONS: Compromises planned sponsorship by Rexall-brand herpes medication; Possible link to Calgary Flames organization

Note: At this juncture, Mr. Katz proceeded to play She Don't Use Jelly at an excessive volume, ignoring the meeting. After lighting a marijuana cigarette, Mr. Katz informed all attendees that all "squares" would be fired and that he could "totally feel" the lyrics of the song. Mr. Katz then ate four donuts in rapid succession and fell asleep under the catering table.

Meeting was adjourned by Mr. Lowe, who deemed Mr. Katz incapacitated and incapable of fulfilling his duties as chairman.

Next meeting: TBD

----------

There you have it! A thrilling peak behind the scenes of the fast-paced world of professional hockey franchise ownership. If all their meetings are anything like this one, I think the fans in both Edmonton and Oklahoma City can all look forward to a great new franchise.

I mean, it can't be any worse than Springfield... Can it?

Dog Days of Summer

2009-07-05T21:15:00.007-06:00

Gary Larson's hilarious musings aside, there's a lot of uncertainty about when exactly man domesticated the dog. Was it the mesolithic age? The neolithic? The consensus in the archeological community seems to be that humans and dogs began their 'best-friend' relationship somewhere between 10 and 30 thousand years ago. That is why it is with great pleasure that I can announce that SlowFreshOil has obtained evidence that canine domestication began much, much earlier:

I can't quite tell if we're looking at Homo Habilis or Home Erectus here*, but based on these findings, I think we can all agree that we're talking early Paleolithic age. Probably 1.5 - 2 million years ago. It's nice to finally put this archeological mystery to rest**.

*Grow up.

**And seriously, good on Zack for getting out into the community in the off-season and putting in face time for a worthy cause.

City of Chumpions

2009-07-02T09:46:00.010-06:00

What is that sound high in the air
Murmur of maternal lamentation
Who are those hooded hordes swarming
Over endless plains, stumbling in cracked earth
Ringed by the flat horizon only
--T.S. Eliot, The Wasteland

It's been a wild couple of days in the NHL and the Oilers have been prominent as always. Unfortunately, prominence is an axe that swings both ways and, by most accounts, the Edmonton Oilers' very public inability to woo or keep any big ticket players (the most recent example being Dany Heatley) has branded the club and, by extension, the city as a post-apocalyptic no man's land where hockey goes to die. We must look quite the fools sending our leprous management team, dressed in crudely patchworked scraps of 1980s power suits, to convince actual hockey players to play for us. Even when we manage to reel in a star, it doesn't take very long for them to grow weary of the daily deathmarch over cracked earth to the mausoleum that is Rexall Place, thrusting up at the sky like a gravestone on these empty plains. Lucky for them, we, the fans, are much too down-trodden and wrapped up in our own self-loathing to notice them leave.

Everyone over at ON seems to be steeping in vitriol over this Heatley fiasco and they are sending out the call that we should pull back our tattered hoods, squint through the clouds of ash and pestilence, and look for the milky white dot that used to be a blazing sun of hope. And we will. We will rekindle that fire in our hearts that gets doused every off-season and we will work ourselves into that all-too-familiar frothing mob of loyal fans (last seen when the Oilers managed to string a pair of wins together). With or without Heatley, we're still lucky enough to have a professional hockey team in Edmonton. A team that bares its intentions for all to see and has the scars to prove it. A team that does not differentiate between desperation and passion. A team, God bless it, that will fly its three top execs to the summer home of a bonafide goal scorer at the 11th hour, just on the off chance they could convince him to end this madness and agree to score those goals for us.

So it didn't work. Yet. So we're all going to have to continue playing the waiting game. For now. So we're the laughing stock of the League. Fuck it. We're the goddamn Oilers and we're gonna do whatever we damn well deem is necessary to grab the bull by its short and curlies and, if we get shaken off, you can bet your ass we'll stand up and try again.

So, gentle readers, we're all in this together. We gotta hang on tight, prepare for anything, and hold onto what is really important in the midst of all this insanity:

Someone better remember to pick up Nikolai at the airport.

Are you smarter than a first-rounder?

2009-06-30T19:05:00.005-06:00

Before we hit tomorrow's craziness (who's ready to get their Dominion Day on?), I thought I'd throw up a post about today's news out of Calgary. We've seen pending UFA's get traded in the past and sign before July 1, so it was no surprise to hear that convicted felon Jay Bouwmeester is adding 'Calgary Flames defenceman' to his rap sheet.

Now that he's signed, I can already hear the chorus of tsn comment-thread commenters talking about how 'smrt it wus' [sic] for Darryl to trade for J-Bo's rights. I've even heard Oilers fans in the past couple of days say they wish we'd have offered Florida a better package for him. And I just don't get it. Any of it.

This has been discussed before, but as far as I can tell, from a purely economic standpoint, it doesn't make any sense for Calgary to make this trade...unless they think they're signing J-Bo for less than it would cost them on July 1.

It also doesn't make any sense for Bouwmeester to sign the deal (apparently 6.6 cap hit) either, unless he thinks it's better than what he'll get on July 1. That would mean:

1) that he thinks Calgary's offer is better than anything else anyone would ever offer (probably by a pretty wide margin, too, because if you hit the open market, there's always a chance of a bidding war).

2) that he thinks for some reason Calgary would take back their offer once free agency starts, otherwise why not just wait and see.

The argument comes up that the reason these trades make sense is because they're all a bunch of lying liars who have been secretly negotiating for weeks, and everyone knew exactly how it would go down before the trade ever got submitted to the league. There's probably some truth to that, but it still doesn't make much sense for J-Bo unless he's been secretly negotiating with all the interested teams, and if that's the case, then what the hell do we even have free agency for anyways? And then if Calgary had indications he'd sign their offer, why wouldn't they just wait until July 1 and save themselves some assets?

Seriously, if anyone can explain this to me, I'm all ears. I genuinely don't get it. But hey, at least this will keep anyone from confusing Dion Phaneuf with a top-pair defenceman.

Let the Right One In

2009-06-29T10:16:00.010-06:00

Now that Draft Day and its accompanying hype have come and gone, it becomes easier to regard it in its true form: a crapshoot. All the speculation falls onto the shoulders of the young men brought in as prospects and we, as fans, sit and pray and hope and make sacrifices to our venegeful lords in the hopes that, when the dice stop tumbling, we're not looking at a pair of ones.

When it comes to assessing a new player to the Oilers organization, the Oilogosphere's analysis is as detailed as it gets. Unfortunately, any insight we feel we might have with a particular player is as good as having a hunch about a coin flip. How can we predict all the twists and turns of a young man's development? How do we account for that time little Magnus walked in on Papa Gunnar giving the ol' falukorv and lingonberries to his sweet Finnish Mama? It's all grasping at straws, but rest easy knowing that we here at SloFreO will grasp violently at those straws, rending them with our desperate, knobby hands.

Once our staff had been given "Warm Regards"-level clearance from the fine folks in Magnus' camp, we dove right in and combed every hair of his website in search of crunchy, nutritious nuggets of information. What follows is a series of excerpts that are chock-a-block with relevant and revealing divinations about our new import...

Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson was born in Norrkoping april 12 1991 - just three weeks before Mats Sundin scored the game winning goal against the former Soviet Union in the final game of the World Championship in Abo, Finland, just 116 weeks after the first game of hockey, just 10 weeks before the Calgary Flames took the third, yet most memorable Swede of the 1991 Entry Draft in Niklas Sundblad, and roughly just 727 532 weeks after the dawn of civilization in the Levant region of Western Asia.

Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson has appeared in every game for Timra IK in Elitserien during the 2008/2009 season except while spending time off-planet to play in the InterDimensional Laser Hockey Championship hosted on Zetaton-3, Horsehead Nebula.

Q: Do you have any personal rituals in the dressing room?
A: No, nothing. In fact, I demand total silence from all my teammates. This is essential for the completion of my blood pact with Hyrrokkin, Giant Hag of Winter Storms. O Wolfrider! Snap your reins, twisted serpents be they, and hie to my side! Lend me the strength of your terrible hand, O Giantess, so that I may smite each coward before me! [unintelligible grunts and wails] But no personal rituals to speak of at all, no.

Q: What did you dream of becoming as a child?
A: I always wanted to be a hockey player, all my life. There has never been anything else. I never dreamed of becoming a train driver, pilot or anything like that. I never had the insatiable desire to be the lone man at the helm of an unstoppable, hulking mass of steel. I never ached for the feeling of a vessel's controls rattling in my clenched fists, as it careens across thousands of kilometers at an incredible pace. I never longed to know the burden of being the last safeguard between thousands of innocent lives and the horror of a mangled, fiery death. Never. Not once.

Q: Is there anything great with long trips on buses?
A: It's really good for team-building and it also gives you a chance to relax and to disconnect from the rest of the world and its wastelands, void of honourable souls and infected with vice.

Well now, what a level-headed young lad. I think what stands out the most is how normal this guy really is, hey loyal readers? I think us Oilfans will be enjoying Magnus' steady development into a responsible player with an even-keeled skill set for many a year to come.

Player 2 Insert Coin To Start

2009-06-28T00:20:00.009-06:00

Well, I might as well get to it. Downright Fierce asked me if I would contribute to this blog, and I have to admit that I have my doubts I'll have much of interest to say. I'm no sports journalist, I'm not a stats whiz, or a Toronto area lawyer. I'm not a brilliant writer with encyclopedic knowledge of the Montreal Expos cerca the 1980s. I'm not sure how much I really have to contribute to the Oilogosphere at all.

But just now I was sitting on the deck of my family cabin, watching the fireflies as the sun disappeared under the horizon. In my one hand, I was balancing a lit Cohiba and a cold one. In my other, I was on my iPhone, signing the guestbook at Paajarvi.com. And just then an overwhelming feeling came over me that I was some kind of Jeff Foxworthy punchline about being an Oilers blogger.

So thanks to Downright for letting me invade this space, and I guess we'll see how things go once I try putting something up here with substance. Oh, and you're very welcome, Magnus:

Thank you for adding to my guestbook.

Warm Regards,
Magnus Paarjarvi-Svensson

Christening the Unsinkable Blog

2009-06-26T11:26:00.017-06:00

Well, here we are. It's D-Day and I'm ready to storm the beaches of the Oilogosphere.

The endless hype and speculation has gotten me ready for anything to happen in Montreal, but I'm also ready for nothing to happen. Will Tambi be left leaning against the wall like the redheaded girl with a clubfoot and braces? Or will he swing into the Bell Centre on a chandelier, swashing everyone's buckles and moistening our collective undies? Only time will tell.

Strap yourself in and stay tuned to your lightning boxes, folks, this should be one helluva Draft.